Jules and I have been trying to remember how we spent last Christmas and New Year’s and we simply could not remember. The only mention I could find was a post I made here that we had a quiet time at home. Must have been pretty quiet indeed!
I’ve been really good at keeping up with Twitter, but miserable at keeping up with this blog. I keep forgetting about longer-format writing these days. Ah well, I’m not going to be too hard on myself!
We had Thanksgiving over at Nat’s place. Everyone made something delicious and brought it along. We had Christmas over at Rachael & John’s new house with another potluck. Both were utterly successful and we were all majorly stuffed. Yum!
This year we didn’t take any extra time off work for the holidays. Since Jules is so new to his job, he’d already spent all his holidays (and then some) when we went to France and I didn’t want to take time off when I couldn’t spend it with him so we’re back at work today. Ivan has the week off (as do most of our friends, to some degree or another!) so he’s at home today before he heads off to Las Vegas with some of his friends from back in Australia. Today is his birthday so we’re going to do something special for him tonight before he leaves tomorrow.
As time goes by I am realizing more and more that I am just not really into this whole “giving gifts because society expects it of us.” I feel a little ill listening to people talk about their “haul” they got for Christmas. Jules and I are in the fortunate position in which we are able to give each other gifts whenever the occasion arises, not at a prescribed time, and this suits us really well. It is genuine and heartfelt, and often unexpected. This year, since we had spent so much money getting our dishwasher installed, we agreed that would be our “present” to each other. Jules had gotten me a box of Godiva dark chocolates, which he gave me as soon as he got them so I could enjoy them right away (and ohmygod, did I) and I gave him a joke present, but otherwise that was it. We gave his family gifts since we don’t get to see them for years at a time and it’s very important to them, but my own family agreed not to exchange gifts, and we were all happy with that.
It’s hard to explain how I feel without it sounding snobby or elitist, but the fact of the matter is I just don’t like stuff for the sake of stuff. (I don’t personally feel that this sentiment is elitist, but I know that some people think it’s a declaration of superiority. I really wish that weren’t the case, but it is.) I used to think my mother was crazy for feeling this way when I was growing up but as time goes by I am coming to appreciate this more and more. For a time in my “rebellious” youth when I was making my own money I bought tons of “stuff” simply because I could. I didn’t have much as a child, and stuff sounded so cool. When I moved out to Seattle and had to consolidate my belongings into what would fit in my car, it was a chance for a fresh start. A large amount of that “stuff” simply got given away or sold. At that time in my life, I was happy to have next to nothing in terms of material possessions. I often think back to those days with great longing, since I could literally pack up everything I owned and move in one fell swoop. Of course, now that we own a house, that is no longer the case, but the desire for fewer things is still very strong in my life. It is true that we have spent a great deal of money on the house itself and on things for the house, but with few exceptions everything has been thoroughly researched and considered before we bought it. We’d ask ourselves “Does this item contribute something useful to our lives, or make them easier in some way?” We had each other to confer with over things we were unsure of. As a result, our household has many labor-saving or money-saving devices which we use all the time. Even things that seem almost gimmicky on the surface. If it isn’t useful or fulfill some very specific purpose, it doesn’t belong in our house, and we get rid of it. I am so much more interested in experiences, memories, and consumables than yet another item that can clutter up our already hectic lives.
Something that caught me off-guard is that I’ve noticed that other people are also seeming to feel this way now. I went with Jules to his company’s holiday party, which I wasn’t really looking forward to. We got to spend it with Christian and Miyuki, which helped make it fun, and there was beer/wine tasting which also didn’t hurt. The big takeaway from this was the raffle they held. As a result of winnings at the “fake-gambling” casino at the party, we could cash in chips for raffle tickets. I was skeptical about this because I didn’t want to even think of the possibility of winning more “stuff” but I was really impressed by the prizes they had chosen: *experiences.* Most of the winners got things like an overnight stay at the Salish Lodge (the hotel/spa that was “The Great Northern” in “Twin Peaks”) and tickets to Teatro Zinzanni (dinner theatre.) I utterly approve.
I’ve been reading a lot of books lately about organizing and simplifying your life. This has always been something of interest to me, but I feel like lately I’ve been getting a lot more serious about it, especially when I consider the possibility of one day going pro and being able to help other people. The more I read, the less stuff I want. I wonder if minimalism is going to be a lifelong obsession now.
On a similar topic, I’ve been very stressed out the last six months or so. The lifestyle surrounding my job has left me drained and depressed…the long, rollercoaster days of not enough or way too much to do, and the 3-hour bus commute every day. I had been working on a commissioned blanket for someone who saw my work on Etsy, which took up all of my evenings and left my right side in a great deal of physical pain. I pretty much stopped exercising due to lack of free time and energy. Jules has had a lot of bad days physically, too, which were often exacerbated by my mood. I promised him when I finished the blanket I would take a break so we could both recover.
And that’s what I’ve done. I decided I wouldn’t work on anything again until I feel my life has stabilized. And probably not work for commission again, since the self-imposed pressure was too much for me. I finished the blanket last week, on the same day Ivan got his American driver’s license and our dishwasher was finally installed. On that day, it was like I had finished a semester of college. Things were finally in order and I actually had free time again! My mood soared. I have been feeling so much better since then.
One thing that we’ve decided to do in our free time is to start playing World of Warcraft again. I had fought against the idea for the last 6 years since I last played, since to me it represented the worst time of my life. It was something that Jules (and other friends) really, truly wanted, and it was clear that if I didn’t play then no one would, and that made me feel really bad so I decided to suck it up and try to get past my history with the game and my life at that time. I had a few breakdowns over it in the last couple weeks, but I am happy to note that my ill feelings towards it have faded a lot. At first it felt like someone was replaying the worst months of my life in full HD in front of my eyes and it was all I thought about, but luckily I think I’m finally past that. I still can’t say I’m actually really having fun with it yet but at least it no longer brings me to tears. There’s no point letting something fun remain associated with something horrible when there’s actually no logical connection. It feels good to feel like I’m rationally triumphing over irrational emotions. It might seem silly to an outsider, but to me, if I can disassociate my emotions from past experiences from the game, I’ve won. As I mentioned, at first I was hesitant but I finally decided it was worth it to me to work out the trapped feelings that aren’t serving any useful purpose in my psyche. Begone, I say.
Personal blog of artist, designer, and music/movie/tv/video game enthusiast Ann Lancaster.
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