Every time I talk to Ross, I feel a little bit better. The nastiness eating away at my stomach diminishes bit by bit. We’ll figure things out, Ross. And life will go on just as it always has and always will.

I used my lunch break today to go to the travel agency and buy tickets to Perth. I’ll be leaving here on June 20, arriving there on June 22, and departing on July 19. *smiles* One less thing to worry about now, Jules.

It was a nice relaxing weekend. I spent most of yesterday afternoon in my aunt and uncle’s hot tub, trying to relax and ease the tension in my body. It helped a lot, by the evening I was pretty relaxed. I managed to get pretty sunburned though, but that’s okay. I didn’t have much trouble getting to sleep although I woke up several times during the night. Luckily I didn’t have any anxiety dreams though, which is an improvement.

Our modem at home seems to have taken a crap. I think a tech guy is coming to check it out today, so hopefully I’ll have net access when I get home. Otherwise…I guess it’s down to watching DVDs or reading or something. That’s okay though, Jules’ job begins tomorrow so I wouldn’t get to talk to him anyhow. I think it’ll end up being nice though, as it’ll give me a chance to relax at night and sort through my thoughts and feelings, which I am in dire need of. Yes, I will miss him a lot and I know he’ll miss me as well, but I think it’ll be a good thing.

I started looking at ticket prices for another trip to Perth. It looks like I’ll be able to swing one towards the end of June, which is really exciting…and the prices don’t look too bad either. A bit more expensive than last time but the time frame is a bit more cramped. I’ll be hitting up a travel agency sometime early this week.

Last night my friend Russ came over for a bit and tried some Reiki with me. I don’t know if it did any good or not, but that’s something that’s not exactly easy to tell if it has worked or not. He also did another Tarot reading for me which reaffirmed a lot of the conclusions I’d come to this week. Basically, I just need to relax. I’m holding too much tension inside me.

As compared with last week, this one was far better. The rest I had on the weekend helped tremendously, and I think I’ll probably do the same this weekend. I’m feeling well enough to do things with the guys tonight, so hopefully that will be nice rather than stressful. It will be good to be with them again as I’ve missed them a lot and I’m sure they have missed me as well. It will be great to have a distraction from my thoughts, which have been only serving to poison me as of late.

What I really need to do is stop thinking and let my feelings take control. I’m hitting this wall where the thoughts just keep pouring over but the feelings keep getting slammed up against it, going nowhere. This is very strange for me as I’m normally driven by emotion, and this is the most emotional time of my life, but I’m stuck as to how to feel. Where do I even begin? At least I’ve been able to cry a little this week, which is a huge deal since that had been blocked from me for a long time.

Small steps.

I need to give myself a pep talk. I need to remind myself that there’s no reason to be depressed. This is a good, happy time in my life, and there’s no good in dwelling on the negative points (which I have no control over anyhow.) I have everything I’ve ever wanted in life. I have found the love of my life, I’m going to be visiting him soon, and soon after that I’ll be moving to a fun, exciting, new city where I can be with friends and discover a new way of life. This is good, happy, wonderful news.

Stop dwelling, just stop it. It’s not getting me anywhere. Just relax. Relax. Everything will be okay. Huu, I need a massage so badly.