I feel pretty good right now. I just got back from the dentist, which wasn’t bad at all. The weather outside is gorgeous…the sun is shining, things are melty…mmm. I got to drive with my window cracked for once. I had a small cavity so they had to drill a little…but I didn’t feel any discomfort. I had expected…something. But that’s cool. Also had a new “face” put on my fake tooth to make it blend better. (Yes, I have a fake tooth.) Glad to have that over with.

I still feel a bit tired, but what else is new. It’s amazing how much the weather can affect me physically…before I left I was dragging but once I’d been out for a bit, breathing in the fresh air, I’d perked up considerably. I *hate* being cooped up indoors.

Ahh, I had such a lovely night last night. I was planning on getting a really early night but I started talking to Jules and before I knew it four hours had passed. *happysigh* I lay in bed with the powerbook on my chest, listening to his voice in my ears and speaking back softly, just enjoying the moment. I was so incredibly relaxed by the time he convinced me to go to bed that I slept *very* soundly. Mmmm. :)

I guess I’d better enjoy the nice weather since it’s supposed to snow like crazy overnight. ~_~ Great.

Happy…so very, very happy. :3

Our power went out this morning. I was lucky to have gotten up and showered earlier than usual, otherwise I might not have made it to work on time, clean. o.o

I’m relieved that Jules actually went to bed at a decent hour last night. Not only was he making himself ill because of the sleep depravation, but I am extremely exhausted as well so having to worry about him doesn’t help me any. I’m glad that Ross is starting to feel better now…that makes me feel a lot better too.

I was feeling a bit stir crazy at lunch so I left to get some pizza. When I got back and ate it, it was tough and chewy. :\ Pretty disappointing, but hey, at least I got outside for a little while.

I can’t wait to have a nap this afternoon. That will be lovely. I could sleep for a week. Okay, no, not really.

Got a fair bit done at work today which I was pleased about, but got stuck on what to do for the next section during mid-afternoon, and felt pretty frustrated. Then I drew Alfred. Certainly not my finest work. XD

For some reason I’ve felt like drawing a little the last few days…I got in a sketchy mood during the last few minutes of work sometime last week and ever since I’ve felt a little urge to put pencil to paper. With the exception of drawing out ideas for designs at work, I haven’t done much of anything in the last year, and I’m sure I’m rusty as hell. It would be nice to actually do something instead of sitting around all the time. Hopefully I’ll find some inspiration for something…just need a starting point of some sort.

The poor sleeping patterns I’ve had are catching up with me now. I’m sleeping really soundly at night recently although I’m still waking up pretty frequently. I get really sleepy in the afternoons too, so napping is nice.

John just told me Red Dwarf seasons 5 and 6 are out on DVD today. Oooh. I hope they still have copies left this weekend, when I’m most likely to get to Best Buy.

Last night was pretty fun. Jules and I did a conference call with Chris over Skype, and it was a blast to hear his cute but very-Canadian accent as a contrast point to Jules’ very aristocratic, posh-sounding voice. Ahh, broadband is so lovely.

Afternoon realization: listening to The Smashing Pumpkins – Stand Inside Your Love still tears me up inside. It probably always will. *sigh* I’ll still listen to it though, because it reminds me of very specific thoughts and feelings, which I never want to forget.

I’m so tired. I took a rather long nap yesterday afternoon at Jon’s place, which I needed badly. I didn’t sleep too well, but at least it was a bit of rest. After a lovely talk with Jules I went to bed, completely worn out. I didn’t even bother showering, I was that tired. I slept deeply, soundly, until sometime after 4AM when I suddenly shot up in bed, awake but confused. I couldn’t focus my eyes enough to make out the time on the clock, but I know it was after 4. I had this feeling of urgency, like I needed to get up and check IRC but I was too tired to bother. My heart pounded for awhile but eventually I fell asleep again. I had a dream I was a rally driver and I wore a license plate for a belt. All my clothing was black and white Adidas for some reason. I remember Ross being there as well. I woke up to my alarm for a change, and was extremely tired. I then found out Jules had been in a minor car accident but was okay. I immediately wondered if it had happened around the time I woke up, and it turns out it might have. Had I sensed something had happened? I feel like more of my spirit is there with him than here, so I wouldn’t be surprised at all if this were the case.

It’s been such an emotional ride. So much happening at once, feelings shifting, growing, intensifying. I feel closer to insanity with each passing day…no focus, concentration except for the singular thing on my mind. Even an hour apart from him is the sweetest torture I’ve ever endured. Huuu.

Also, I love my powerbook.

Recommended by Julian. :3

” Never been here – How about you ? ”
You smile at my answer,
You’ve given me the chance,
To be held and understood.

You make it easy to watch the world with love,
You make it easy to let the past be done,
You make it easy.

Tonight Jon and I made Rosey’s herb mushroom on toast recipe for dinner. We also experimented by creating an alfredo sauce from scratch, which ended up pretty yummy as well. Thanks for the recipe, Rose. :3 We finished off a bottle of wine pretty early on…I’m a bit tipsy as I type this. The food was wonderful, it was fun preparing it (if a bit overwhelming since we made so much at once) but yeah…good times. :D We’re watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind right now (which I bought this afternoon in Appleton)… it’s the special edition, Chris. :D Jon seems to appreciate the cinematography, which indeed is the highlight of the movie. Mmmm. Good stuff. Feeling very happy and relaxed.

6:01 AM, wake up. Bloody freezing. Check computer. There is life! Get breakfast. Spend 50 min talking to greatest person on earth. Leave happy. Smile. Remember four months ago today. Smile more. Walk to work. Lovely.

Quiet…calm…relaxed. I took a short nap when I got home from work today, which definitely could have been longer. I had supper with my parents then settled into my room to transfer more music from my pc to my powerbook. It’s so lovely how that works, the sharing between computers is simple and seamless. iTunes is able to add files directly from the network so I don’t have to copy them over then import them…very handy.

I took a quick shower then got ready for bed before 8PM. Since then I’ve been sitting here crosslegged on my bed, under my blankets, with my back against the wall and a pillow between. Headphones on, Opeth playing gently in my ears, terminal window connected to irc on the screen, lights out, peace and quiet. Ahhh, it’s a very nice feeling indeed. It feels quite strange to not be speaking or chatting right now, but idly watching the text scroll by as I write this…waiting patiently to see if anything exciting happens, but feeling content enough not to need excitement. I’m happy here in this moment of calm, as I feel rather sleepy. Maybe this means I’ll sleep well tonight. I could drift off right now~~

I drifted off for about ten minutes this morning at work. When I awoke and started typing, it was all gibberish until I realized I’d somehow switched to Dvorak layout. I must have mushed a bunch of keys while I was unconscious.

I wonder how I will feel physically once all this commotion and chaos has passed. For the last three weeks I’ve been insanely tired almost all the time, and up until this past weekend I was achy and sick to my stomach. I’m feeling better and better each day, but the tiredness remains. I haven’t been sleeping well at all as you may remember…so that combined with the overwhelming emotional drain each day…it’s enough to wipe me out good.

Mmmmm, darkness, silence…peace. Lovely. :3

I feel so worn out today. Uuu. Last night I got my powerbook. I was shaking so hard as I opened the box, I could barely hold still enough to take the photos. I don’t know if it was the fact that I was excited about getting a new computer or the fact that I’d had an extremely emotional day, but I was simply overcome. The laptop is simply wonderful…it’s small and compact, smooth, with no frills. Very sleek and stylish. It’s quite light as well, and inside my backpack weighs about as much as a textbook. It smells *fantastic*, like new metal and electronics. Mmmm. The sensation of typing on a metal keyboard is amazing; the keys make a very satisfying click when you press them. My wrists rest at just the right place on the edge of the computer when I type so I’m not accidentally swiping across the touchpad (very nice) and there is a new feature that allows scrolling through documents quickly using two fingers. Mmm. It found the wireless network seamlessly and transferred data extremely fast across it. :)

I tried Skype with Jules using the internal microphone on it, and it seemed to work rather well, so that’s awesomely unexpected. After that I headed over to Jon’s place so I could show it to him and Brian. Brian left for choir so Jon and I had pizza and beer and watched Good Eats while I played around, then listened to some music until my eyes began to itch and I decided to go home. I didn’t feel like showering, or really doing anything for that matter, but eventually I forced myself to, and then I went to bed.

I didn’t get enough sleep…up before my alarm again, of course. No matter how much I could have gotten it wouldn’t have been enough though. I’ve been emotionally barraged lately with everything, which saps my energy. It helped hearing Jules and Ross over Skype again, just goofing around and playing GT4, and later a little chat with Chris. I don’t feel as burdened now as I did earlier on. I think I’ll have a nice nap when I get home from work.