I held it together quite a bit better than I’d ever expected I would (or could) given the highly emotional circumstances. Monday night we had dinner at Ross’s house and as I stood there in his kitchen I was suddenly overcome with extreme sadness. All at once it just hit me that I was going to be leaving these people all too soon and there was nothing I could do about it. It was something that all of us knew had to happen, so it’s not like we weren’t prepared. Knowing we must part doesn’t really make it any easier though, but one thing it does for sure is make you appreciate every single moment you have together.

So standing in his kitchen, reheating leftover refrigerator hodge-podge, the tears just started flowing. Of course there was no point in trying to ignore them or hide the fact that I was feeling this way from the others–it would nearly go against everything that makes me ME if I wasn’t feeling intense emotion over something so big. I asked Jules and Ross to keep me distracted so I didn’t have to dwell on it just then but it only helped to a certain degree. I’d been drinking beer for a good portion of the night which I suppose didn’t help any, but after dinner when we began watching “Futurama” episodes I just lost it. I sobbed quietly next to the couch while the others laughed at episodes I’d seen several times before. To be honest, I don’t even recall which they were as my mind was more focused on how much pain I was feeling. Ross kindly broght me a box of tissues and sat next to me, caressing me until I calmed down.

Jules took Rosey home after awhile and I suggested going for a walk so I could get some fresh air and clear my head. So Ross, Will and I walked down along the train tracks. It was an absolutely beautiful night out–stars everywhere and a cool, comfortable breeze. Ross pointed out a constellation called the Southern Cross and mentioned that this was what was shown on the Australian flag. I’d wondered what the stars represented and was satisfied to finally find out.

The three of us enjoyed a casual and friendly chat (mostly about cars) and laughed at a sign that said “Do Not Excavate” over which someone had spraypainted “Meh.” And of course the obligatory genitalia sprayed over several of the icons for pedestrian walking (some much more…impressive…than others.) After I began getting a bit cold a we headed back (we’d walked a rather considerable distance) and I began getting tired as well trying to keep up as both Will and Ross have longer legs than I do (and therefore walk faster.) I spent the night cuddled up to Ross and was awoken to his step brother playing Green Day at an insane volume in the adjoining room.

After Jules called, we got up and met up at Rosey’s. Rosey wanted to go do some stuff at uni so she and Jules took off and Ross, Will and I headed into the city and stopped off at JB’s to exchange my copy of “Black Books” since the second disc appears to be faulty. Unfortunately they had no more copies of it (despite having more than 10 earlier in the week) so Ross put down his name so they could call him whne the next shipment came in. Sigh. That means that he’ll have to post it to me later on which sucks because it’ll be extra cost and time for him (and longer for me to wait.) Oh well. I have the avi files to hold me over. After that we met JnR at the Galleria for lunch because I had a craving for karaage chicken. Once we’d eaten we putzed around Myer for a bit (Rosey bought chocolates) and then Ross suggested stopping by the jewelry store we’d visited the previous week. Many sounds of “aww” were murmured around the group when they realized he was buying me a ring. It was a very simple but elegant 18kt white gold band with a bit of detailing on it. When the store employee took it out and I tried it on she said “It fits you perfectly–it must be a sign.” Admittedly, that was rather cool that it fit me right off the shelf without adjustment (though looking at it now, it’s a wee bit loose on my left ring finger…but it fits perfectly on my right one…strange that they’re different sizes…) Ross seemed very pleased that it went so well, and I’m sure a large part of that was him noticing that I was happy with it. I’m not really too much of a jewelry person but the ring is gorgeous and it really suits me. I’m very proud to wear it, as it reminds me of the bond Ross and I share. Mmm. :-)

In any case, after lunch and ring shopping we went back to Rosey’s and mucked about with video games until we began getting hungry again. Will left to have dinner with his family, and after much deliberation we decided to get OMGWTFBBQ chicken and chips (fries) and beer, so we went on an excursion to procure said items. Knowing full well this was my last night there, I drank 4 beers (Cooper’s Sparkling Ale is my new favorite) and consumed copious amounts of chicken and chips at Ross’s place. Will and Ivan showed up partway through the meal (Ivan brought Asahi, which I tried and really enjoyed) and the lot of us watched “And Now For Something Completely Different.” I missed out on quite a bit given my state but that’s okay.

When people were fit to drive we heaed back to Rosey’s place. I said goodbye to Ivan for the last time. :-( We played video games and I ended up falling asleep several times in uncomfortable positions. Sometime after 3AM Ross made some tea and Jules and I went for a walk. Again, the weather was absolutely beautiful. The moon was a crescent (lit from the bottom!) and the entire outline of the dark part of the moon was visible. Absolutely gorgeous. We talked about how wonderful and amazing it was that we’d finally gotten to meet face to face, and lamented the severe lack of time we’d had to spend alone together. We discussed how my presence there had positively affected everyone, especially Ross. Since Jules knows Ross better than anyone else I trust him when he says that I’ve made a noticeable impact on Ross’s behavior and attitude simply by being there to love him. Hearing him say that made me feel really good as Jules’ opinion matters to me more than most people. I trust him completely, wholeheartedly. I really do wish we’d had more time alone but we did make the most of the opportunities we did have.

When we got back we had the tea and I cuddled with Ross until it was time to pack my things and get ready to go. Ross offered me his “IDOL” shirt and I hesitated before agreeing to take it. It’s been such an icon for him that in a way it almost seemed wrong to take it, but at the same time it’s getting old and worn and is something he’s loved, so having something like that to remind me of him is quite an honor. It didn’t take long to pack up, which was nice because it gave me more time to spend close to Ross, stress-free. We spent the remaining time gazing achingly into each others’ eyes, our love reflecting back at both of us.

Then the time arrived to leave for the airport. We packed into Ross’s parents’ Volvo and headed off. When we got there it turned out that the flight had been delayed by 45 minutes. The five of us say in the terminal waiting, trying to ignore the stupid American TV shows playing on the monitors and finally they called for my flight. Up until that point I’d been uncharacteristically calm and composed but then I just burst out crying. I hugged each person in turn, saving my last embrace for Ross, who had begun to tear up slightly. It was the first time I’d seen him exhibit real sadness, and I knew then it was just as painful for him as it was for me. The ache was terrible, excrutiating. I turned back once as I boarded the plane and the tears just flowed uncontrollably. A flight attendant fave me tissues as I got on board and the guy in the seat next to me asked if I was leaving someone. :-(

The flight ended up being over an hour and a half late and when I got into Sydney, I rushed to the international transfer bus and barely got there in time to get a seat. They had to turn people away because there was no more room. The lines in immigration were really long but somehow I got in ahead of most of the people from my flight and booked ass to the international terminal. Luckily the 747 to Los Angeles was waiting for us there (there were 20+ passengers on the flight from Perth–it had also lost time flying into a headwind–waiting to get on this one and it was the last flight to the states that day.) I had an aisle seat (tyhe first time ever, and thank god for that) and was seated next to a newlywed couple of Aussies. The dude had to have been at least 15-20 years older than his wife (I’d thought at first that she was his daughter!) Oh well, they were nice anyhow, even if it was a bit creepy. The flight attendant dude gave them champagne and offered me some too since I was there.

I’m a bit worried that I won’t have enough time in Los Angeles to go through customs and change from international to domestic considering this flight is 45 minutes behind schedule but we’ll see what happens. I just need to get myself to Chicago then Appleton. It should all be okay. Sigh.

They’ve turned out all the lights in here now that it’s past 10:30 local time (Sydney) so I’m writing by the light of the LCD panel in the seat ahead of me, which currently is displaying a continuously updating map of our location and distance from origin and to destination, as well as just about every piece of information you could possibly want.

I really don’t want to go back to my old life now that I’ve had this month of absolute happiness. Not having to worry about driving everywhere or going to work or cooking or cleaning has been fantastic. Not to mention being surrounded by people who adore me and are constantly hugging me, cuddling me, and just being overall fantastically adoring. I am really going to miss that physical closeness I have with them since the majority of my friends at home are not comfortable with physical affection.

Of course it goes without saying that the thing I’ll miss most is my Ross, the person I am completely and totally in love with. I have never felt the way I do about him with anyone else and believe more strongly than ever that I am meant to be with him. He and I are perfect for each other and there is no doube we are both crazy about each other. He embodies everyting I have ever wanted in a partner and in addition to our deep emotional connection I am incredibly attracted to him. There is no one else I would rather be with, and I fully intend to spend the rest of my life with him. We just have to work out the logistics of making that a reality, which admittedly is no small taks, but it’ll be worth all the effort and sacrifice in the end. I truly could die happy now that I’ve achieved what is most important to me in life–finding true love.