I got ahold of the Silent Hill 4 OST today so I’ve been listening to that a lot. Just like the previous games, the music for this one is beautiful, haunting, sad, symphonic…everything that combines to make Akira Yamaoka a pure musical genius. Everything about the design of the games, from the visuals to the music, to the sound effects and the storyline, is absolutely perfect. It’s an all-encompassing experience, and one not for the weak of stomach or heart. I really look forward to September so I can play SH4. Until then I might play one of the other games through again (but not more than one for fear that I’ll burn myself out on it) but there are just too many other games to play. I’ve bought tons of PS2 and GC games that I haven’t even touched yet…with very few exceptions, I just haven’t been in a gamey mood recently. Actually, I haven’t been in a mood to do much of anything really, except to be with the people I love. It’s hard to find motivation.

Speaking of motivation, I just got my credit card bills for this month and they were not a pretty sight. In fact, I felt pretty ill when I opened the envelopes. Sooooo…right then and there I decided to reinstate my “BUY THAT AND DIE!” policy. I don’t remember why it fell apart the first time, but I know it lasted for a few months at least. In any case, in the previous incarnation, any time I thought about buying something I didn’t need, I thought of Ross’s angry disembodied head glaring menacingly at me with a look on his face that said “Buy that and die!” Let me tell you, that really did work, for awhile at least. This time around the idea is still the same, having an image of Ross preventing me from making stupid purchases, but the method is going to be different. Rather than a threat to my life, it’ll be a threat to my happiness, which is actually much worse in my mind so it’ll be more effective. I’m quite impulsive and weak-willed in certain circumstances (spending money being the major one) so I have to take extreme measures to ensure I don’t give in to the impulse. I’m really glad Ross is willing to help me with this even though it’s difficult for him.

I cleaned my room last night, which took a great deal of time. There were clothes, CDs, video games, consoles, and controllers literally everywhere in there and I was starting to worry that I’d step on something important and destroy it. After that I spent most of the night burning CDs and watching the animated series for Clerks. I reluctantly paid my bills for this month, including my car insurance for the next 6 months. sigh Money is such an annoying issue.

Aside from that, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. Each day my love grows and flourishes and washes over me… There are absolutely no words that can do this justice anymore. All I know is that what is happening to me is unlike anything I’ve ever known, beyond anything I’ve ever felt about anyone or anything before. The joy I knew when creating Avatar doesn’t hold a candle to this. And a month ago I would have told you that was the happiest time of my life. Not so anymore. wistful sigh

You are everything I’ve ever wanted in another person. You love me with an adoration and appreciation I’ve only dreamt of, and each time you tell me you love me my caring for you grows infinitely. I find myself wanting to do everything in my power to make you happy and comfortable, to tell you over and over how much I love you and want to be with you, how lucky I am to have someone as wonderful as you who accepts my love and who returns it with a passion that, quite amazingly, nearly rivals my own! You mean so much to me and I am absolutely crazy about you and everything that makes you the beautiful, funny, unique, kooky, but undeniably groovy guy you are. :-)