I’m Hearing: Nickelback - Someday

Mmmmmmm. I have this song stuck in my head with no signs of letting up. I can’t say I strongly like or dislike Nickelback, but I do find that their songs are highly overplayed. I don’t usually ever listen to the radio but it seems like everytime I’m in the car with someone who *does*, I hear this song. In any case, it is stuck in my mind, and as you might guess, I just cannot make it go away, and it repeats over and over and over. Damned obsessiveness!

I feel so awake, so alive right now. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so good in my entire life. I’ve been getting full nights of sleep just about every night, been exercising almost every day, and been surrounded almost continuously by people I care deeply about. I haven’t really had much alone time as of late, there’s been so much activity going on, which is a good thing for me, as it doesn’t leave much time to ponder why I’m sitting there alone. XD I have been noticing more and more lately that I really do have a ton of amazing people in my life. And as I spend more time with them, I realize more and more that I am extremely lucky. I wish those people could understand how much they mean to me…I mean, I’m sure they know they’re important to me and know I care about them, but they probably don’t know just how much.

I had an absolutely fantastic weekend. It’s the third weekend in a row that I’ve spent with the Green Bay people, and admittedly, it’s becoming something I look forward to all week. They are such a fun and lively bunch, and we always have such a blast together! It does suck that we live 50 miles apart and someone always has to drive an hour or more to get to each other’s places, but in general we’ve been taking turns staying overnight, so it just means more time spent together. :-)

On Friday night Peter and his gf came over to my place to hang out with hachi and Brian and me. We went out and got champagne for the fun of it, and spent a good chunk of time playing video games (as usual)…the standard TS2, War of the Monsters, and now…The X-Files. We almost finished the game with Mulder, but the final bosses are impossible. Scully has the final episode left. I played through most of Scully in the second act of episode 2 but Peter beat the last boss for me. :-D Peter’s sweatshirt reminded me of the Nyquil logo so I kept staring at it and commenting on that until he let me photograph him holding a box of Nyquil. XD

Saturday we went rollerblading. (yay!) It was the first time for Peter’s gf, and she did pretty well for a first time blader. Peter wasn’t all that experienced either, and he ended up falling once, but gracefully. Thank goodness for wrist guards. It wasn’t as cold by the lake that day as it had been earlier in the week. More of the ice had melted so the wind off the lake wasn’t as cold. Hachi and Brian left to look at apartments for awhile, then Brian went to church. In the meantime we played more X-Files, then Will and Hiroko came over. It was really funny stuffing all 7 of us in my tiny cubicle of a room, but we did it. XD All of us took Brian out to Koreana for his birthday dinner, which rocked mightily. I spent waaay too much money on food, but it was so good. All I can think about is how delicious the sushi rolls were….and the “Big Fat Chocolate Cake” that I shared with hachi. We took a lot of pictures, which I haven’t gotten through yet. But there were some really good ones. XD

Sunday I went rollerblading in the park again, this time by myself. I took my mp3 player with me and cranked the tunes, which rocked. It started to rain after about 10 minutes of blading, so I kept going for about 45 minutes, until I was just about soaking and it became a danger for me to be out there. Then I went to my parents’ house for a bit, came back, and worked on my brother’s computer for awhile. Eventually I ended up going out to Victoria’s for dinner with Big Bri and Alisha (the third time in two weeks!!!) and stopping at Media Play, where I bought 4 books on clearance. One was a book about 101 stories of soul mates meeting, which I’ve already begun reading. I’m really a sucker for romantic love stories where people end up happy together. And I really, truly do believe in soul mates, though I don’t believe that there is one single person for everyone, but rather several people with the potential to be your soul mate. Reading those stories gives me a tingly feeling, and that feeling is, to me, the greatest feeling on earth. It’s something I long for and crave, it’s like a drug to me, better than chocolate, better than exercise, better than even painting. I get such a charge from it…it’s just delicious. There really haven’t been too many times I’ve personally experienced it in my life, but the times that I have…wow. Unbelievable. Being able to make me tingly says a lot about a person…it speaks VOLUMES. If there’s one thing I’m sure about, it’s that I will most certainly find someone who will give me those tingles, and who I will be able to call my soul mate. I consider myself to be quite intuitive, and that’s one thing I’ve been certain about my whole life.

So later that night I did yoga with Alisha and Big Bri…both of them fell asleep during corpse pose at the end…I was too uncomfortable to sleep then (there wasn’t enough room in the living room for all of us to lay there without touching furniture or walls.) One of them went into the bathroom and I was waiting to get in there so I lay down on one of the love seats and promptly fell asleep. I napped there for something like 2 hours, when I awoke and was like “whoops!”…was about 2:30 AM at that point. I groaned and went to bed then, realizing I had to be up at 6 AM if I wanted to shower before work (which I did.) It really amazes me that I can just fall asleep there, because normally I’m such a light sleeper and can’t sleep places that aren’t my bed. But the yoga had relaxed me to the point where I just dozed off. Mm.

Getting up at 6 wasn’t as bad as I expected…but by that point both Erin and Tiff had already showered so the water was only lukewarm for me. That wasn’t too wonderful, but I was surprisingly energized.

So the big excitement on deck now is the coming weekend…Portland! I felt good writing hachi a check to pay him back for the plane ticket. It’s going to be so great. :-D

I’m Hearing: Foo Fighters - Times Like These

Man, I just want to get up and do things today. Last night I went rollerblading with Alisha and Big Brian in the park, and it was awesome. It was really freaking cold because the park is right on the lake and the water is still frozen along the shore. But just the fact that we were able to get up and do something active outdoors….ahhhhh. It was really really nice.

I’m just sitting here thinking about all the really fun things I can do and I am just full of energy for some reason. I’ve been a lot more active in the last month than I’ve been for a long time and it’s beginning to affect how I feel during the day. There’s been a lot of stuff dragging me down mentally as of late, which obviously has an impact on me physically, but I do feel really good. I feel stronger and more alive. It’s fantastic. And I mainly have Billy Blanks to thank for it. XD

But anyhow, that’s about it. I can’t wait to go and do fun stuff. :D :D

I’m Hearing: Pale 3 - In My Head

What a fantastic weekend! It started out a little sucky because I caught a cold late last week that caused me to cough a lot. But Friday night the guys left a little early and I took some Nyquil so I could sleep through the night. It worked well.

So Saturday the adventure began. Brian, Jon, and I headed up to Green Bay to meet up with Will and Hiroko. We hopped over to a sports shop and rented skis, boots, and poles and then drove over to Granite Peak in Wausau for some skiing excitement. I had never tried it before, so I had bought ski pants, goggles, gloves, and socks (which cost a pretty penny but were on sale since it’s the end of the season.) We grabbed some severely overpriced food at the lodge there then went out on the slopes. I was really discouraged for about the first hour and a half of it, as I rode the skilift halfway up the hill, got off, and promptly fell on my face. It took about 10 minutes for everyone to help me get back up…I just could not figure out how to shift my weight or where to put my hands or the poles. I continued in this way for the trip down the hill…being able to make one turn but falling down the second I tried to make a second turn. I must have wiped out 6 or 7 times before I was able to keep myself upright enough to call it “skiing.” I was so frustrated tears began to form and I was like “God, I hate this!” I just wanted to go home. But after a few irritatingly slow trips down the bunny hill I was able to control myself better and soon it felt natural. Then I started taking the lift up rather than the tow-rope and started having a freaking awesome time. The hill closed at 9 PM so we got out of our ski clothes and took off back to Green Bay.

Brian went home at that point and Jon and I parted ways with Will and Hiroko and headed off to Peter’s for a night of gaming delights. We played Timesplitters 2 for a bit and the rest of the night was Peter and Jon watching me play my newly purchased X-Files: Resist or Serve game. There was a lot of fun and a lot of frustration as the night turned into early morning and by the time 5 AM rolled around I was tired but still wanting to play. But I ended up pausing there and going to bed simply for the sake of sanity. XD

Sunday was a rather nice, quiet day of more gaming. We got up around noon and returned the skis to the sports shop, then the three of us had lunch at Victoria’s. That place is definitely my favorite restaurant…and they had such a great lunch special going on…for $9.95 you could get bread, soup, salad, an entree, a beverage, a glass of house wine, and dessert! Jeebus! All three of us partook in that and it wasn’t long before the Chianti I had began to go to my head. Then it was LoopyAnn for a bit…Peter tried to get me to finish his wine but I didn’t give in. XD After lunch, Peter took off for a meeting so Jon and I hung around. Jon putzed around on his laptop and I played more of TXF game, got frustrated, stopped, played some more, got frustrated, and in the end played until I beat the last boss in the first episode as Mulder (there are 3 episodes in the game with 2 acts in each, which can be played with either Mulder or Scully, each with parallel but different storylines.) It took about 10-15 tries to beat that fricken boss, and it drove me insane. At one point, Peter helped me get through a tough spot in the game, but he was gone to that meeting so he couldn’t help me with that horrible boss. XD He came back after a few hours and we played a very brief round of War of the Monsters but then it was right back to TXF again. I couldn’t figure out how to do the autopsy as Scully and it was driving me insane (and since the game just came out there is no walkthrough available yet.) Jon found a message board and figured out how to do the “Y-incision” and we went on from there.

It’s cool to play the game with an attentive audience, as it really is like watching an episode play out, yet it’s interactive enough to feel like you’re playing a game. Before the weekend, I was playing it a bit at home and my roommates were pretty interested in watching it, which makes me happy because it’s so cool to me. There are so many inside jokes in the game that are a tribute to hardcore fans of the show, like the street names being titles of episodes, and Mulder visiting the adult section of a video store and making comments appropriate to his character. Mulder’s humor is right on target…the music is all authentic scores from the show, it has the show’s opening titles sequence, the voice acting is done by all the actors in the main cast…it truly does feel like you’re inside an episode of the series. There are obvious glitches and annoyances though…like objects not being solid (ie, doors closing over the top of legs, zombies getting trapped in walls if they’re shot just right, Mulder’s hand reaching through doors and turning a non-existent doorknob that’s several inches from the one drawn on the door. You can’t control the camera at all, and at times it gets confusing which direction you’re pointing when the angle shifts. The areas are not continuous (ie, the town loads in sections) and zombies do not follow you from one screen to the next, which is a bit lame. When you have the gun and the flashlight equipped you can’t run and it’s really hard to target enemies. The flashlight shows nothing if you get too close to a wall or object, and at times will just shine right through walls or other “solid” objects, showing seams in the texture. Also, the town map does not show street names, nor does it give any indication which direction you’re facing (you’re simply represented as a red dot on the screen rather than an arrow.) The characters all look a lot like the person they represent, but the eyes are hollow and never move, Scully’s necklace is just painted to her chest, and the glasses on Skinner and Langly look like they are made of yarn. The game could have used a bit more “quality control” in the gameplay area, but it’s pretty decent really, just a bit glitchy. It definitely has a Silent Hill/Resident Evil type feel to it, which obviously is very attractive to me, but the gameplay isn’t nearly as nice as it is in those games, particularly Silent Hill 3, but it’s difficult to compare anything to the smoothness of that game. All in all, I really am enjoying it.

After all, I’ve dreamt about being Mulder inside the game for three nights straight now. :-D

I’m Hearing: System of a Down - Roulette

I had the following dream last night, the events which (symbolically) relate directly to things happening in my life right now. As stressful as the dream was, I woke up relieved and calm.

There was a group of bars and nightclubs that were all under one roof, perhaps 5 or 6 of them that were connected. It was pretty dimly lit in most of them, and it was a comfortable and friendly atmosphere. A lot of people went there to relax after work, and I did as well. I met up with some of my classmates initially, and we had a few drinks. I went out for a drive with a few of them for awhile, then we came back. One of the bar patrons broke one of the pint mugs so she went to the back of the bar to find a replacement, which was located in the rafters.

Then a bunch of my friends began to show up. I was really happy and having a good time with them. It felt really nice to be surrounded by people I care about. Then suddenly I remembered I had something that I’d been keeping from all of them and I had to tell them now. So I looked at them and said “I’m sorry, but tomorrow I am going to be blasted off into space with two other people. I probably will never return. I’m sorry.” I said it very matter-of-factly, as if it was just an ordinary occurrance. Peter was standing next to me wearing the red shirt he’d had on the last time I saw him, and he said “My wife and I are very sad to hear this. We wish you all the luck in the world.” I hugged him and thanked him, and went off to a different part of the bar where there were booths. I found Mike, one of my painting classmates, and broke down in tears as I wrapped my arms around him. (He was one of the other people being blasted into space with me.) All the emotions hit me at once, and I just weeped. He stroked my hair to comfort me and said “It’s fine, Ann, it’s fine.” I was surprised he was taking it so well because he was married and was leaving his wife behind. She was sitting across the table from him and she smiled at me comfortingly, as if she’d accepted it and was okay with it.

I cried for awhile then got up and went back to the bar. My friends looked at me with concern, and no one really knew what to say, so they all left. I looked up across the bar and saw a guy who had been fixated on me awhile ago and before he could notice me, I rushed over to another section of the complex that was an auditorium. There was a bit of chaos going on as a performance had just ended and people were trying to file out. I went down close to the front near the stage then lost myself in the shuffle.

I’m Hearing: Chevelle - Family System

Things have been looking up for the most part as of late. It’s been a somewhat interesting week…I felt quite a bit better after finding out I had a job so my productivity when I was just sitting at home improved because I didn’t feel dragged down constantly as I had been all of February. I started crocheting again after feeling too depressed to even look at my current project. I was even thinking about starting to paint again, but the lack of space in here really makes that seem a bit ridiculous.

Anyhow, it was a busy week…I was running all over the state. XD Wednesday night I drove up to Green Bay for the night to hang out with Peter. I tried yoga for the first time, which I really enjoyed. The fact that I’ve been working on my flexibility a lot the last few weeks really helped because I was able to do things with little discomfort. The breathing was really relaxing for me and I realized I really could have used that the last 2 semesters of school when things were so stressful. Plus, contorting my body into different positions was just really fun. XD

I drove back on Thursday morning then immediately headed on down to Madison with TR and some other people for a design convention. We spent the afternoon and evening on State Street and I bought this totally sweet trenchcoat for $12! It was used and has some problems with the buttons but it’s a really well-made coat. And the best part: it fits me *perfectly*. The length of the arms, the width across the shoulders and back, and the length. I couldn’t believe it. The design convention was pretty…meh. There was a web design table set up with examples of sites that were like 4 years old or more…they looked like they were out of the stone age, and half the links were broken or the images didn’t show up. How lame is that? The people in charge didn’t seem to have much clue what was going on. But there was a pretty interesting panel discussion about how to get into the business (entering a firm and whatnot) but I was so freaking tired that it didn’t matter much. I couldn’t wait to get home and go to bed.

Friday night Peter came to visit us Oshkosh folk, which rocked. We played some Anaconda and watched some Firefly then cracked open my last bottle of New Year’s champagne. After a bit of a buzz, we played some Vice City, then hachi took Brian home and we went over to his place for a bit so Peter could get some files off him. Then Peter and I went back to my place and watched Fischerspooner videos, drank more, and played War of the Monsters until…really late. XD I slept most of the day on Saturday, and eventually the guys came over. They played DDR while I did Tae Bo with Tiffany (Alisha and Big Bri just lay there on the couches in the living room, meh) and then Jon fixed my insanely warped door so that it closes "normally" now. XD

Then Sunday…well… (warning: spoilers ahead)

I went to Appleton in the afternoon and saw The Passion of the Christ by myself. I wanted to go alone because I’ve been away from the church for so long I didn’t want to have to be forced to talk to anyone about it if I didn’t want to. The showing I wanted to see was sold out so I had to go to the one that was 1/2 hour later. I got in relatively early so I got a good seat, but it also meant that there was more time for the people around me to strike up conversations with me. The woman to my left wanted to know why I was alone and where I went to church. I was polite to her, but I was like "Lady, I’m here to watch a film, not to get recruited." That was slightly annoying, but I was more irritated later on when both that woman and the woman to my right were screaming out every time something horrible happened to Jesus (which, of course, was every other second of the film.) I found myself rather stoic and unemotional through the entire movie, just taking it all in, trying to absorb as much of it as I could. I wanted to be able to consider everything later on in private where I wouldn’t have all these hardcore Christians around me…because after all, I was brought up Catholic so it’s not like I am completely divorced from religion. Even though I don’t practice any particular religion doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God or I don’t believe in Jesus or the Bible. I just don’t appreciate being hassled, or the assumption that I need to be saved because I don’t attend services. Anyhow, I did exactly as I intended to: I watched the movie then thought about it once I got back to the comfort of my own home.

Let’s just say that it affected me more deeply than I ever would have expected. I can’t really explain what it was that got to me…it wasn’t the violence itself…although it was extremely well-done (so well-done it looked freakishly real) but I think it was being able to feel how much of a human Jesus was that threw me off. As a side note here, I will be open and say that if I had a child that was younger than 16 I would NOT allow them to see it. It is just too horrific. Anyhow, after Jesus has been tortured for so long, to the point that he really should have been dead from shock or blood loss and his will was the only thing keeping him alive, he prays to God and says "Please forgive them Father, for they know not what they do." The plea, the desperation in his voice…I mean…wow. I break down every time I think of that.

Also, one major thing that hit me was one flashback scene in which Jesus was making a table and Mary comes out to invite him in to dinner. He acts all playful around her, joking and splashing water in her face…it showed a very fun-loving and human side to him that I was never exposed to in church. It was shocking to me, to be honest. I began to think to myself "What else have the Catholics left out of the story?" There was so much that I never knew about in regards to this story. I felt a bit gypped.

So I spent a good portion of the night trying to decide whether or not to cry. I was on the verge of tears for several hours, just not sure if I should or shouldn’t. I ended up giving in as I talked to people about what I’d taken home from the movie. TR came over for a bit but was too sleepy to get any meaningful conversation out of. I spent most of the night feeling like I’d had the wind knocked out of me.

So that was a great way to go into this week. I started my job on Monday, and it looks like I’ll be learning a lot very quickly. I hope I can keep up with myself. XD

That’s the gist of it all. I’ve been doing massive amounts of Tae Bo lately, which is awesome because I feel really good physically, although my body is sore and exhausted. My abs are getting a lot stronger and I can finally lift my body from lying on my back into a sitting position without using my arms for support, which is something I couldn’t even do last week. Things are improving at a rather rapid rate.

Tonight I went with my roommates and some other peeps and had Hibachi for the first time. Expensive as hell, but very very cool to watch. :-D Gonna do some yoga in a little bit with Tiff, assuming she has enough of her homework done. Ahhhh, homework, one thing I’ll never have to do again. :-D