I’m Hearing: Fischerspooner - Sweetness

Where do I even begin with this? It’s almost beyond my comprehension. Well, I guess the best way to address this is to say it simply: I got a job! Finally.

My previous employer is bringing me back as an LTE for a grant project the University of Wisconsin system is working on. (Having to do with Content Management Systems.) For now, the job is temporary and will most likely end sometime between September and October. But that’s perfect for me, because that was the time frame I’ve been most concerned about for money since my lease goes until September. I went in this morning and met some people and got a little explanation of what the project was about so far, and I won’t be going in again until the paperwork goes through. But all in all, this couldn’t be a more perfect situation.

I got the job offer on Friday afternoon when I was feeling about my lowest. I really have been depressed about not having work. When I found out the job was mine, I literally jumped all around, screaming, knocking things off shelves. It was definitely a time of utter elation.

There was one other majorly noteworthy event of the past week, which was last Monday I got my Avatar painting back from the student union. :-D That got me so excited and energetic it was almost like I was working on it again. The feelings returned with near-full-force and it was enough for my roomies to comment that they’d never seen me like that before. :-D

So…it has been awhile since I’ve recorded anything in here beyond what I did the previous week. I just have not had the energy and drive to do anything beyond the bare minimum…my passion for everything had been subdued a great deal. But after going to bed at a reasonable time last night and getting up while it was still morning have brought a bit more normalcy back into my life, so I’m beginning to see a bit of my flame returning. It’s always been a terrifying thought to consider that in low times of my life, there is a danger I may never bounce back. With my spirit though, it’s difficult to think that could actually happen, but I do sometimes wonder about it.

The thing I’ve been thinking about a lot lately has been destiny. I realized at one point that I believe that everything in this world happens for a reason. Even if it’s not always a positive reason, I believe that things are fated to happen the way they do. Sure, you could argue that people could just sit back and let things happen, or they could go out and do things to make things happen, but who’s to say fate isn’t based on suggestions from your actions? I think that there are definitely tendencies surrounding certain people and things that allow for things to happen in certain ways, and some people are most definitely more lucky or blessed than others, but I really believe it’s because that’s how things are meant to be. Even the crappiest of experiences happens because it needed to, to bring something to someone’s attention or to make them appreciate the good things that happen in their life or in the lives of those they love. My life has been dramatically shaped by experiences I had growing up and not fitting in anywhere, and because of that I’ve become a much more caring and compassionate and accepting person. I definitely had those traits before, (and I believe I’d have them whether I’d been treated like shit or not) but these things were shaped and heightened in me due to my own experiences. So like I mentioned, there are certain tendencies we all have that get affected (either positively or negatively) by the things we do and the way we live.

In the same way, I feel as if I’ve been extremely lucky with my life in general. For whatever reason, I’ve been in the right place at the right time and therefore some really amazing things have happened to me. That’s not to say a bunch of shit hasn’t happened to me for the same reason…in fact, I was emotionally destroyed on many occasions simply because I was in the "right" place at the "right" time. But things happened in a particular sequence for a particular reason, in order to bring me to where I am today, and for me to become the person I am today. In particular, the thing that stands out most to me has been in relation to jobs.

With the exception of one job, (Target) every job I’ve ever had was because of a person I knew. It really is no lie, making it in this world is about who you know, not what you know. I’ve happened to know just the right person in most situations and things just worked out better than I could have ever expected. I only had to work hard, get the right person’s attention, and then let fate take hold. In truth, I’m aware that I haven’t ever had to work too hard to get a job in and of itself. I simply caught the attention of someone while I was working my hardest, and they recognized my commitment, passion, and work ethic, and because of that offered me work. It’s been a fairly consistent pattern thus far, and it’s not so much that I’ve come to expect it or take it for granted, but I have been watchful for the signs.

I personally don’t think it’s conceited for me to think that an opportunity was going to arise when it was meant to and all I had to do was be patient, but I do worry that others will view it that way. There are so many times when I say to myself, "Well, what makes you so special? Why should you be treated any differently than anyone else? You’re just a person too." I have grown used to people treating me differently simply because I’m usually the "odd man out" in most situations so in a way, it seems odd when I’m considered equal to whoever I’m up next to. It’s quite clear to me that I’m not the same as other people…I don’t feel like I relate to most people in a general way, so how could I expect people to consider me in a normal light? That would be a contradiction. And yes, I’m full of contradictions, but that is one I couldn’t reconcile. *sigh*

So yeah, I believe that everything happens for a reason, guided by peoples’ natural tendencies. That’s the long and short of it.

So on to more bizarre topics…

Fischerspooner.

Peter told me to check out their "Emerge" video. So I did. After the third viewing, it was branded on my brain and I haven’t been able to get it out since. So this afternoon I went out and bought their CD. I’m so glad I did. It came with a bonus DVD that contains 4 music videos, a documentary, and most of the songs off the album plus remixes of "Emerge" in Dolby 5.1. Fantastic stuff. There are certain people who will not like this kind of music at all (it’s all electronic, synth music) but my lord, it’s addicting. Casey Spooner (the singer) has the most incredible eyes and mouth ever. Yum.

It was quite a week of drinking too. I went out on Tuesday night with TR and Jeff, and we met up with Alisha and Jessica later on. Wow. What a time. Then Thursday afternoon I went to happy hour with TR and Jeff (Jeff had the week off from work) and later that night met up with Al and Jessica. I ended up picking Alisha up on Main Street at like 3 AM, but that’s another story entirely.

Also, on Thursday night I saw the play The Foreigner at UWO. It was freaking hilarious…very glad I was able to go. It was nice to have a good laugh like that, but a big part of me was still feeling depressed due to not having a job (or much of a life to speak of.) Saturday afternoon we went up to Green Bay to talk with Will about our business and to goof around. We had dinner at IHOP and played 1KBWC while we waited for the food. When we got back Will and Hiroko’s classmate Don messed around with his guitars and Garageband so I was pretty bored. Eventually we played a full game of 1KBWC…but it seems that people are starting to lose interest in it. That saddens me a great deal because I’m starting to get super addicted to it. Not that this is any uncommon occurrance or anything…people tend to get bored of things before I do. Meh. We even got a carrying case for the cards and a set of pens to keep with them at all times. *shrugs*

*yawns* Wow, it’s not even 10 PM and I’m already feeling sleepy.

Speaking of sleepy, I got back from GB at somewhere after 2 AM, and I had to be up and ready to leave by 10 AM on Sunday. So I got a small amount of sleep and dragged myself along to my brother’s place in Madison, where we celebrated his 21st birthday. He was rather hung over from the previous night and I was so damned tired that all I wanted to do was sleep. So I slept on the way there and back then took a 2 hour nap when I got back. Then TR, Jeff, and I went out for wings and had some beers. We hung out at my place for awhile after that, then went our separate ways. I went to bed at a reasonable hour because I knew I had to be up for work in the morning. :-) As much as I hate getting up before noon, it feels so good to be able to say "I have to work in the morning." Hmm. Yes, definitely not something I’ll be taking for granted anytime soon. I am sooooooooo grateful to have found such a perfect job. *smiles*

That’s all I feel like writing for now. Off to lay down and think about Content Management Systems as I drift off to sleep.

I’m Hearing: Andromeda - Umabel

It’s been an interesting week or so. Friday night I played 1000BWC with Brian, Jon, Tiffany, and Big Brian. It was pretty awesome because Tiff and Big Brian hadn’t played it before so I wasn’t really sure how they would react to it, but they jumped right in fearlessly and brought the game to a new level. Big Brian played one card that had significant impact on how the gameplay was to be structured…namely, a completely interactive card. It read something like "Spirit [Alisha’s dog] has died. Your body is the vessel for his reincarnated spirit. Act like Spirit for 20 seconds for 20 spirit points." Well, of course I thought that was great; it was my chance to act out the aggression I’d been feeling when caring for that dog. So I got down on all fours and bounded into my room where I grabbed one of my lion slippers (that he’d been so fond of) in my mouth and crawled back to the door. Before I could exit, Jon had shut the door. Now, you must understand something about the house I live in. There are absolutely no 90° angles *anywhere*. Everything meets up at impossible angles, and the whole thing rather resembles a drawing by MC Escher. In particular, my room is bad because my door is not shaped like a rectangle. For some reason it’s shaped like a trapezoid…I really don’t understand. (Note that both of those pictures were taken perfectly parallel to the floor.) But anyhow…the whole house leans pretty bad. In fall, the landlord put concrete in front of the house for a walkway and that seemed to stabalize the house some, and it shifted. So closing my door has become an issue, because you have to pull with all your might. Okay, so back to the story. Jon had closed the door and I went for it. I scratched at it like Spirit used to, and Jon went to open it. It’s just as hard to open as it is to close (you have to heave your shoulder into it usually) so Jon was struggling a bit. Then, suddenly, WHAM! the door busts open and whacks me in the face. I fell over backwards to the sounds of surprise of my fellow card players. My nose was smashed pretty bad but I think the worst part of all of that was no one got to see my performance! (I still got the points though.)

Brian and Jon left relatively early because they had things to do in the morning. I forgot what I did the rest of the night, so it must not have been very important.

So Saturday I went to the bank to deposit a check for something I sold on ebay. It took a really freaking long time to clear the snow off my car and when I finally had, the wheels just spun in place (I was parked on a patch of ice). So after I finally got myself out, I went to Target and got some kitty litter so I wouldn’t have to deal with that again. I should have gotten that a long time ago, but had never needed it amazingly enough. shrug I did Tae Bo with my roommates in the afternoon before I headed up to Green Bay to hang out with the folks up there. Jon was in Chicago with Dave for a car show so it was just Brian and me, but he had to sing at church the next morning and couldn’t stay out late, so he and I took separate vehicles. It was cool driving up there alone because it’s something I’d never done before. I had a vague idea where Will’s place was, but didn’t know for sure. I was proud of myself that I was able to find it with no trouble because just months ago that idea would have terrified me. Of course, back then I had an unreliable car and didn’t drive very much. Now that I have a kickass vehicle, it’s hard not to love driving it. So yeah.

Hiroko had brought a friend from art class over (Don) who turned out to be a really awesome guy. Hiroko and Don cooked some rice/chicken/egg dish for us which was rather yummy. I used chopsticks for the second time ever, and was astonished to learn it was only the third time Hiroko had used chopsticks!!! And to add to the irony, Will was better at chopsticks than fork and knife. Goes to show he and Hiroko are perfect for each other! I tried Soymilk for the first time, which was interesting…perhaps a bit too creamy for me. ("It’s a bit nutty," as Peter said.) Peter came over with his gf Melissa (whose birthday was that very day). He asked me to identify the font on the card he made her. XD XD So we had a pretty healthy gathering of people. Many a game of Anaconda was played, and I sucked it up at Timesplitters 2. I’m terrible at both games actually, but it’s fun anyhow. Very fun! Then the highlight of any gathering occurred…1000BWC. I was slightly concerned that Don and Melissa might be a bit disturbed by the style of gameplay…after all, it’s just loosely structured chaos. But they handled it rather well. :-D Hiroko came up with some brilliant cards (it was her first time playing too!) Brian left early as planned, and we played for awhile after that until Peter and Melissa took off. Then the guys got into playing GuiltyGearXX and my eyes glazed over. Admittedly the Korean version is a ton more tolerable than the Japanese version (the voices aren’t as shrieking and annoying) but it’s still not something I want to watch. So I talked to Hiroko about art for awhile then discussed our company’s webpage with Will for a bit. We called it a night around quarter after 1.

Sunday was kind of a nothing day, which I suppose is okay. I talked to my roommates basically all day long. Alisha told me wild tales of her weekend out with her friends, which is becoming a weekly ritual now. I played Baldur’s Gate Dark Alliance 2 for about 8 hours, until my arm was absolutely aching from pushing X repeatedly. It’s nowhere near the strain of Diablo II but it’s pretty bad. XD Alisha, Big Brian, and I did the Ouija board for about an hour, which was rather interesting, then Peter hopped on IRC so I chatted with him for awhile before bed.

Wow..this is becoming a day by day "I did this, then did that" kind of entry. Well…that’s appropriate I suppose, considering that’s all my life is these days. I got up, I did this, I did that, then I went to bed. Yes, I’m feeling rather unfulfilled not having a real purpose in life right now.

So Monday was something else entirely. I had discussed possibly coming back up to Green Bay that night to play more of the card game, but it didn’t end up happening. Meh. I went to the post office and mailed off the packages for the things I sold on ebay and deposited another check at the bank. Then I went home (to my parents’ house) because my license plates had arrived in the mail, as had my autographed Gollum book that I’d won on ebay. A few weeks ago my dad had bought a CD burner at Office Max for 10bux so I’d installed it. He said he was having trouble copying CDs because it was taking about 1/2 hour with a 52X burner. Well, I didn’t realize till then that he was copying off an 8X CD-ROM. XD XD At any rate, he was going to show me what the burner was doing so he grabbed a real CD and a blank CD and threw them in the drives. As he was putting the blank disc in, I realized the foam spacer thing was sitting on top of the disc, and as I shouted in protest, the drive tray was already sliding in. There was a little crunch crunch noise as it spun up, and I was like "oh shit." I opened the tray and took a look inside, but I couldn’t see a thing. I ended up taking the drive out of the computer and disassembling it to discover the foam ring in the back of the drive case. ~_~ What an ordeal. It was fricken hilarious though, and I’m really glad it didn’t do any damage to the drive. XD

The rest of the day was pretty boring and unfulfilling. I did Tae Bo with the roomies but had no energy so I wore myself out to the point that I felt lightheaded. So I curled up in a ball on one of the loveseats in the livingroom under a down blanket. Because I felt so drained, I was just planning on lying there all night, but TR called and came over for a bit. He’s really interested in Gollum too, so I showed him my new book and then we watched the documentary on Gollum that’s on disc 3 of the extended edition of The Two Towers. Was great. After he left came the interesting part. I sat down in front of my computer and opened Illustrator. For the next 8 hours I worked on variations of the logo for our company, coming up with many different permutations but never finding just the right one. I bounced ideas off people on IRC the whole time, which was very helpful. I’m so lucky to have friends available at the click of a mouse. :3 I went to bed at about 8 AM then slept most of the day away.

So that brings us to Tuesday. Alisha wanted me to go to happy hour with her and her friends but I just felt gross. I was exhausted and hadn’t showered yet not to mention I was absolutely exhausted. Did I mention I was a little tired? :-D So yeah. Later that evening Tiffany asked me if I’d go with her to some "free facial" that she’d won at China Buffet (I have no idea how that worked.) I didn’t really want to go, but she didn’t want to go alone so I agreed to go for that reason. Well, it didn’t turn out to be a free facial at all, but a Mary Kay cult with overly made up women trying to induct new members. We sat around this long table in some basement downtown and put on all manner of different products. I looked hideous as the light in there was very dim (and I really know nothing about applying makeup O_O) The woman running the meeting was trying to get me interested in the products and kept asking me questions the whole time (perhaps the incredulous look on my face was a giveaway that I didn’t really belong there in the first place.) I should mention the ritual that occurred before the face-painting session. There were two chicks who were going to become consultants, so they brought them up to the front of the room and turned out all the lights. Their "mentor" had a lit candle and each of the women also had a candle and a rose. Their mentor lit each of their candles and they stood up there and chanted incantations. (or rather, the Mary Kay motto or pledge or somesuch.) I was a bit creeped out. The whole ordeal lasted two hours, after which Tiff and I hit up KFC for some "chicken." Was delicious. I removed the makeup at the first possible opportunity and relaxed to the feeling of clean, natural skin. :-D

So Wednesday I didn’t do much of anything all day. I watched Finding Nemo in the afternoon and was disturbed when I heard the awful Aussie accents on some of the characters. I hopped on IRC and voiced my complaint until Ross informed me that all the voice actors were actually Australian. They had purposely exaggerated the accent for the purpose of it being a children’s movie so they sounded fake. ~_~ That’s rather ridiculous to me, for someone to parody the sound of their own speech. XD XD I watched Sleepy Hollow after that and stretched my legs. I’ve been able to improve my flexibility considerably in the last month or so. When I stretch one leg out straight and curl the other one up beside it, I can easily rest my head on the outstretched leg. If I form a V with my legs, I can lean forward until my forehead touches the floor. Never in my life have I been able to do that, so it’s kind of cool. I spent the afternoon plucking my eyebrows and braiding tiny little braids into sections of my hair. (I really have too much time on my hands now!) Brian, Jon, and I had subs for supper then went over to the art building for the Honors Show. I had my elato container and my Taming of the Shrew book in there (the first graphics I’ve ever had in that show!!) It was cool to see all the artists again after being away for a few months, and I got to talk to some of my teachers. I think I’ll be able to get my Avatar painting back soon now that they’ve bought up a new group of artwork. I called the woman in charge of that today but haven’t heard back yet. Woo, I’m excited.

My favorite grey sweatshirt is starting to reach the end of its life. The cuffs were beginning to tear off from wear, so I just ended up ripping them completely off. Heh. They don’t bother me anymore now. :-D :D

Hmm…that’s really all I can think of. My life for the past week. There’s been a lot of feeling really pathetic about my situation, a lot of pining for my friends who all have jobs that pay well, and a lot of just sitting and staring into space. Lethargy. Loneliness. But there’s also been a lot of fun and cool things to break me out of that state of mind so in the end it all balances out. It’s probably the same as it’s always been, but I just notice it more now that I actually have time to think about it.

I’m Hearing: Staind - It’s Been Awhile

Been a day of ups and downs. Will was supposed to come over to play 1000 Blank White Cards this afternoon but he managed to stay up till like 8 AM so it didn’t end up happening. I was upset about that because I was really looking forward to having something fun to do during the day but oh well. Nothing to be done about it now. In the end I spent about 2 hours talking to Ross on Skype, which was really nice because this time he was actually able to talk back so it wasn’t like a one-way conversation. I like hearing the sound of his laugh. :-) And I appreciate the fact that he finds my belching funny rather than disgusting. XD XD

After that I watched the end of Ever After and felt depressed about not having an object for my affections, then I took a shower hoping that would make me feel better. It didn’t really. So I called up TR and asked what he was up to, but he was cleaning out his spider cages so he said he’d call back later. (Yes, he has 2 pet spiders…yikes) I talked to Alisha for awhile about this guy she’s kind of seeing then TR called back and he headed over. We sat around talking for awhile then he and I went out to China King Buffet for supper after which we walked over to the movie theatre and saw The Butterfly Effect. It looked like an intriguing movie to me from the previews but no one else seemed interested, so thank god TR wanted to see it. I’d read that a lot of the critics thought it was absolute shit but I thought it was brilliant from beginning to end. I mean…like…I felt blown away by it. It was a rather simple concept in reality, but it was portrayed in such a way that made it intriguing and dramatic. I mean, wow. People really need to get away from the idea that Ashton Kutcher is just a doofus who can’t act…he proved in this case he can do a serious role successfully. I loved the movie.

Last night I went over to my cousin Teresa’s house and we went out to Victoria’s for supper then watched Donnie Darko, which she’d never seen before. She loved it, which was awesome, and I was really impressed with how much of it she was able to pick up on from only one viewing, whereas in some cases it took 3 viewings before I understood it. Heh. The roads were absolute shit because it just kept snowing and snowing and snowing, so I was going about 35 on the highway. There were plenty of accidents all over the place. Probably some of the scariest driving I’ve ever had to do. :\ But I made it home safely and my car is still in perfect condition, so the world is good.

Everyone should go see The Butterfly Effect. Even if you can’t stand Ashton Kutcher, you’ll find him at least tolerable in this role, and the movie will make you think. I’m sure everyone has thought "If only I’d just done this differently, everything would be better," but the movie shows just what can happen when you make a single change that you think is for the better, only it turns out to have affected other things in an unintended way. Fantastic film.

I’m Hearing: The Pillows - One Life

Today is my first official day of unemployment, as today begins the new semester at the university. I woke up feeling like I should do a lot of stuff but I felt too wiped out to get up. You see, I’m dealing with a throat that’s torn up beyond comfort and I’m not sure whether it’s due to an encroaching cold or if I just talked too much at once. Both scenarios make sense to me because there’s significant evidence for both, so who knows, it could be both at once.

See, the other day a bunch of us started using Skype, which is set up kind of like ICQ, but it’s a full duplex voice chat program. I talked to Ross for about 2 hours on Thursday (he won’t talk back because of his sister being a light sleeper in the next room) and again on Friday for about 2 hours. After that I had dinner with my parents, who I talked to the whole time, then later Jon and Brian came over, and I talked to them for awhile, and Jules was on Skype at the time so I was talking to him too, and not an hour later, TR came over and I talked to him until about 1:30 AM. So by that time my throat was absolutely aching. I drank about 1/4 gallon of chocolate milk and then went to bed but the next day my throat was just swollen as can be. I could barely form any words without it hurting but I talked some anyhow.

Saturday night Alisha wanted to take Tiffany and Big Brian out to get sushi at Koreana since they’d never tried it before but her car isn’t reliable so I offered to drive them. I was proud of myself as I found it without too much trouble and one of Alisha’s friends was working so she got us a table within 20 minutes and gave us free dessert. With a bit of help from Alisha I actually ate my sushi with chopsticks, which I’ve never been able to do before. I was pretty happy about that. My throat was worn completely raw after that.

I couldn’t sleep at all that night, waking up every half hour or so…and was wide awake by 4:30 AM. All I could think about was taking a shower…I felt really grimy and I craved that steam for my throat. But I eventually fell back asleep and got up at a more reasonable hour, and then showered. I tried not to talk at all because it felt like there were huge balls of thorny cotton in the back of my throat. I went to my parents’ house for a bit then on my way back to town I stopped and picked up some Chloraseptic cough drops, which numb your throat just like the spray but without the annoyance of getting your aim off and spraying your tongue instead. They don’t taste very good but they do the job.

Then later on Will called and asked if I wanted to go see Lost in Translation with him and Hiroko. I tried to get in contact with Brian but he wasn’t home. Jon was supposed to be writing his speech for his POE talk in Chicago tomorrow so we didn’t want to distract him further. As I was driving up to Appleton, Brian called and said he’d come too. So he was about 15 minutes behind me. Will thought he was getting lost but he just hadn’t driven far enough. XD The movie was….interesting. I wouldn’t say it was either good or bad…it was just so far removed from a typical story and plot (in that it didn’t really have one…it was mostly atmosphere) that it is impossible to classify in any sensical way. Brian and I came back to my place then he, Tiffany, Big Brian and I ordered pizza for supper and watched Minority Report. I crocheted for most of the evening. Watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding for the first time…interesting, but not worth the hype it got.

I should mention here that last week was one of the most irritating weeks I’ve ever had. Alisha went home for the week and everyone but Erin was off somewhere else, so Al asked me to take care of her dog for her. I was really hesitant to do so because I knew he’d be a handful…I just didn’t realize how much of one. He’s only a year old, so he’s still only a puppy, not to mention he’s a black lab, so he has this boundless energy that causes him to not have the ability to sit still for more than a few seconds at a time. Over the course of two absolutely miserable days, he managed to scratch up my door, bite one of my posters, poop in the hall three times in two hours, eat all of Erin’s Rice Krispie squares, rip the shit out of one of the couches in the livingroom, and spill his water at any given opportunity. He drove me fricken batty, and I was severely depressed during those days because I couldn’t do anything but be a doggy manservant, and I just don’t have the patience for that. In the end he was put in his kennel inside Alisha’s room with the door shut. I just couldn’t take it anymore. When Alisha got back, she made the decision to take him back to the humane society. It wasn’t easy of course, but it was the most logical conclusion. He was just too big and too energetic for this house and our schedules. I’m glad to not have the concern of watching him every second to make sure he doesn’t steal my slippers or things like that, but it’s sad for him to have to go back there again after being the man of the house for a month. *sigh*

Still no word on any jobs. Lots of prospects now, but nothing following through. Meh.