I’m Hearing: the hum of my computers

I feel really ill right now. It’s nearing 2 AM and I just cannot sleep. :-( It was a pretty "ehhhhh" kind of day…felt shitty so I slept through painting class. Got up, went to work, then came back and napped for a bit before going back to the computer lab. Got a whole lot of nothing accomplished. Came home and messed around on my computer a bit, then flopped into bed….and couldn’t sleep. So here I sit.

Just so sick to my stomach at the moment. It prolly doesn’t help that I haven’t eaten much today (or really…any time recently) but I have a bunch of anxiety clouding my brain regarding my ability to finish all the stuff I need to do by next week plus everything that comes along with moving into the house at the beginning of June. I’m coming apart at the seams, slowly sliding away. That probably should bother me but for some reason it doesn’t. It’s almost a relief in a way, to think that I might have some kind of breakdown just so I could get rid of some of this tension, to get a break from design work.

The weekend was amazingly uneventful. Got absolutely nothing accomplished. Met a new friend (Tig) on IRC on Friday and spent basically all weekend talking to him. I like getting to know new people, especially those I have stuff in common with. Makes me feel less alone in this world of sheep.

Missing Jules and Ross a bunch.

I’m so bored with Design. I want out.

I’m so completely burnt out.

Oh yeah, I installed newer drivers for my videocard, a different version of VNC, and grabbed the newest version of DirectX (plus other windoze updates) to try to fix the problem with my computer just freezing for no apparent reason. It’s been up for a day now…typically it has been able to stay up for 3 days before it freezes, so I’ll see if any of those things helped. If not, then I just have no idea. One of the cool things I noticed from reading the docs on the videocard driver update is that it increases the framerates of Dungeon Siege by like 25%. I tried it out today out of curiosity, and by god, it worked. So that’s cool.

Sigh.

But basically, when all is said and done, I’m in great need of a hug right now. I cannot even recall the last time I even touched another person (even brushing by someone in momentary passing). No wonder I feel so isolated. :-(