I’m Hearing: the hum of my computers

I feel really ill right now. It’s nearing 2 AM and I just cannot sleep. :-( It was a pretty "ehhhhh" kind of day…felt shitty so I slept through painting class. Got up, went to work, then came back and napped for a bit before going back to the computer lab. Got a whole lot of nothing accomplished. Came home and messed around on my computer a bit, then flopped into bed….and couldn’t sleep. So here I sit.

Just so sick to my stomach at the moment. It prolly doesn’t help that I haven’t eaten much today (or really…any time recently) but I have a bunch of anxiety clouding my brain regarding my ability to finish all the stuff I need to do by next week plus everything that comes along with moving into the house at the beginning of June. I’m coming apart at the seams, slowly sliding away. That probably should bother me but for some reason it doesn’t. It’s almost a relief in a way, to think that I might have some kind of breakdown just so I could get rid of some of this tension, to get a break from design work.

The weekend was amazingly uneventful. Got absolutely nothing accomplished. Met a new friend (Tig) on IRC on Friday and spent basically all weekend talking to him. I like getting to know new people, especially those I have stuff in common with. Makes me feel less alone in this world of sheep.

Missing Jules and Ross a bunch.

I’m so bored with Design. I want out.

I’m so completely burnt out.

Oh yeah, I installed newer drivers for my videocard, a different version of VNC, and grabbed the newest version of DirectX (plus other windoze updates) to try to fix the problem with my computer just freezing for no apparent reason. It’s been up for a day now…typically it has been able to stay up for 3 days before it freezes, so I’ll see if any of those things helped. If not, then I just have no idea. One of the cool things I noticed from reading the docs on the videocard driver update is that it increases the framerates of Dungeon Siege by like 25%. I tried it out today out of curiosity, and by god, it worked. So that’s cool.

Sigh.

But basically, when all is said and done, I’m in great need of a hug right now. I cannot even recall the last time I even touched another person (even brushing by someone in momentary passing). No wonder I feel so isolated. :-(

I’m Hearing: System of a Down - Ego Brain

Ugh, horrible day. It wouldn’t have mattered exactly what happened today because I didn’t get to sleep last night. I staggered my way through, large headache and bleary haze over my vision. Couldn’t concentrate on anything.

Typography is really, truly evil. It sucks the life out of everything and turns its students into font-identifying, production-tool zombies.

One project left in that class. I think it’ll be more fun than the last two, even if only for the reason that it’s not a fucking book. Just a simple bilingual museum brochure. We’re limited to two spot colors and no black, which is cool for me because I love designing things in monochrome (um…yeah…just look at the color scheme for this site…a lot of what I do outside of class is like that).

After sneaking out of my night class tonight, I came home and slept for 3 hours then woke up craving pizza. Ordered some, ate a bit, and now I’m back to being deadly exhausted. Going to bed now.

I’m Hearing: Machine Gun Fellatio - Mouth

Okay, this whole graphics thing is getting way out of hand. I spent this whole evening/night putting together a process book for the giant project that’s due tomorrow. On Friday I bought this gigantic 4" binder as somewhat of a joke because I always end up with so much stuff and my professor is really adamant about us having a lot of evidence of the changes we’ve made. I didn’t expect to pack the whole damned thing full of stuff. I mean, just think about it…this is only 3 projects worth of stuff at this point. Sheesh.

Because this is so freakishly ridiculous, I made a little diagram of how this semester in Typography has played out. Feel free to gawk at it, cos I do on a daily basis.

So, I suppose I will write some crap about how the day went, starting with…Saturday night…since I really haven’t been to bed since then…Oy. Spent many an hour in the computer lab of course, then went home with the intent of working on my own Mac. Well, fucking QuarkXPress froze 4 times on me, so I just gave up and went to bed frustrated. I tossed and turned with anxiety until about 5 AM the next morning, mainly worried about where and when I’d be able to print this horrible project out since the color laser printer AND the color inkjet at my workplace are broken. I knew it was going to cost me a big chunk of change and I am pretty much flat broke.

Sunday started off okay since it was Easter. Went to aunt and uncle’s house for lunch, which was delicious, then went right back to the computer lab as soon as I got home….errr…to that place that has become a storage room for the stuff I used to use on a regular basis but now have no time for… Yeah, anyhow…I was in that fucking lab for 13 hours…finally finished my document and left at about 5:30 AM. Came back to my storage shed and fell into bed for a couple hours before getting up again for class. No time for food or shower of course. Worked on Frank for a bit before going off on an adventure to get my book printed. It turned out to be less painful (and less expensive) than I imagined it would be, but I had to take the whole afternoon off from work so I could trim and bind it.

When all that was finally over, I trudged back home and had the wonderful and welcome privilege of a shower after which I went and got proper food for supper (well, campus food…I suppose it’s considered more "proper" than a bag of combos). Took a 2 hour nap, then went back to the computer lab and put together that monster of a process book. Whew. I left the lab at about 11:40 PM and thought that was excessively early.

I guess that’s about all that’s on my mind lately (understandably so) and I haven’t had much time to consider everything that’s missing from my life at the moment. That’s a good thing, since it’s really sad to think about how alone and isolated I am because of all this….stuff. I haven’t been getting on IRC as much lately and I miss it terribly, but can’t really do much about it now. Really miss Ross and Jules especially…thinking of you guys whenever I allow my mind to wander from graphics. <hugs> Hope everything is okay with you guys…love you lots. :3

I’m Hearing: Godsmack - Greed

What the hell’s up with this weather??? Yesterday it was gorgeous out…80° F and sunny….then about 10:30 last night it decided to get cold and rainy…and this morning it was around 37° F…just warm enough to keep the rain from becoming snow. Damned Wisconsin weather. Someone in Illinois prolly sneezed and brought in a cold front. Meh. My car was in the far lot again today so I had to walk from one furthest point on campus (art building) to the other furthest point (parking lot) in the rain. Wouldn’t have been so bad if my feet and pants weren’t soaking wet by the time I got halfway there.

Because I am bored and jaded with all the graphics stuff I simply took last night off from homework and made a point to learn something new for myself just because I wanted to. So I taught myself a new stitch in crochet, something I’ve been wanting to do for almost a year now. It took me about 3 attempts before my swatch looked anything like what it was supposed to, but that’s pretty good in my opinion. Especially when I realized that I was supposed to be using a 9" hook with a knob on the end rather than the standard 6" one I typically use. O_O;;; It’s no wonder my hand was totally cramped up afterwards. I didn’t care though, because I had accomplished something that I’d wanted to for a long time. It felt fantastic. I do very much love to learn things, but I’m terribly lazy and get frustrated so easily.

If you’ve ever read my older entries or talked to me at any length, you’re probably aware of my attitude towards appearance and expectations. I enjoy playing with people’s perceptions, screwing with their minds a little, making them nervous or uneasy in a subtle manner because of a preconceived idea they have about people who may look or dress like me. Anyhow…what I mean to say is, I enjoy going into craft stores dressed in shit-ass ripped-up clothing, covered in paint, etc, and buying something like crocheting materials. The kindly old grandmothers in the aisle look at me with curiosity and the teenage girls in the checkout lanes eye me with caution. It makes me laugh. But not as much as going into video game or electronics stores though…that’s in a whole different league. But it’s the same idea. Heh. I’m not like anything you’d expect, and that makes me happy.

Anyhow, worked some more on my Frank painting this morning in class. Coming along quite nicely…just need more time to finish. If I keep working steadily I should be done soonish. My prof still wants me to finish Down in the Park but I think he’s finally accepted that it’s not going to get done this semester. And considering this is my final semester of painting, there’s no telling when it’ll ever get done. Maybe one day I’ll be inspired enough to continue on that.

Oh yeah, and last night I played a little PS2. Dave lent me the demo for Primal so I messed around with that for a bit. Seems pretty cool visually, though parts of it seemed quite chunky and lunky…I hope in the full version the key mapping is more flexible, cos it sucks having to use the R2 and L2 buttons for attacks without the option to change them. I also played a bit of State of Emergency and Vice City, which was pretty fun, but annoying because I kept having to restart missions due to unfortunate and untimely deaths. But that’s the whole fun in the game I guess. After awhile I gave up and went back to crocheting again. :-)

Well, Comp Sci Club tonight…should be fun. After that, who knows. I won’t be going into the computer lab tonight because frankly….I just don’t fucking want to. :-D Heehee.

I’m Hearing: AFI - Miseria Cantare (The Beginning)

Ugh, feeling sick. This probably will not come as a shock to you, but it’s like 2:15 AM and I just got back from the computer lab. I was there for 9 hours tonight, trying to finish my polished comp of my uni’s annual report. The good news is I worked steadily and got a LOT accomplished tonight, but it was a huge pain in the ass. I have what I need for tomorrow…err…today…so that’s really all that matters. I actually got to eat some supper tonight, but it was just the other half of the lunch I got this afternoon. Oh well, at least it’s food. But now that it’s nearing 2:30 in the morning, I’m totally regretting that Red Bull I just had about an hour ago. I don’t think I’ll be sleeping much tonight even though I’m exhausted and feel like shit.

The worst part of all of this is that it was a beautiful day out today. Just absolutely gorgeous. The sun was shining and it was somewhere around 80° F. But I had class and work all day, then had to go to the computer lab for the entire evening and night, so I didn’t get to enjoy it. I rolled up my pants legs and took off my sandals and padded around the lab barefoot (which is prolly against the rules, but ehhh…) and it was nice, but didn’t compare to being outside. I was only out there long enough to get all sweaty from all the shit I was carrying to and from the art building. Waaa, I want to have my life back again.

So…what else? Not a whole lot happened this weekend. I pretty much sat around and crocheted and slept and hung out with the guys. On Saturday I went home for a bit as I normally do and got to see the cow that had the C-Section last week. She has a huge row of stitches on her side, which looks freaky and cool at the same time. I’ll put the pictures up sometime when I get them off my camera…I can’t be bothered at the moment. Also, Sat night Jon and I went to Brian’s choir concert. It was this giant gathering of different groups; there were like 4 choirs and an orchestra up on stage, thus by sheer numbers I found I knew quite a few other people up there. Ran into my aunt and uncle in the audience and saw Keith (the flute player) on the way out. He gave me a hug. :3 After that Jon, Brian, and I went out to Applebee’s for supper…at that point I hadn’t had anything to eat that day, and it was about 10 PM…arg. Had a delicious chicken alfredo dish and this Reese’s peanut butter cups cheesecake…mmmmm! Somehow managed to get it all over my pants, and didn’t notice till I got home. Dave came over and we watched some Futurama and he played video games…well actually that might have been Friday night for all I remember. <shrug> All these days are running into one another. At one point on Saturday I also drove up to Appleton and grabbed Red Dragon and the Evanescence CD. Good stuff. Oh yeah, on Fri night I also bought some more crocheting books. This summer if I get a chance I’m going to work on learning other stitches so I can do cool things beyond what I already know.

Turned in an application for a scholarship today…I’m fairly confident I’ll get it because there is never much competition for it, and I’m pretty well-qualified for it. That would be great because none of the scholarships I get now will carry over to next year since they’re all 4-year only. Nurgh.

Oh yeah…more fun…the payroll department screwed up last week and somehow my timesheets got eaten or something…therefore I didn’t get a check this week. Instead today I had to go pick up these contingency checks that are the school’s way of saying "Here’s 3/4 of the money you should have gotten which you can have now so you don’t have to starve for 2 more weeks while you wait for us to correct our fuck-up." Meh. Now I have to find time to go deposit that in the bank. For chrissake.

Ugh, still burping up that Red Bull. That’s going to be with me for awhile yet. And I’m kinda hungry.

Hmm.

Today at lunchtime when I was on my way from class to work I passed by some girls sunning themselves on the grass and I got quite upset in a way. I was jealous that they had that much free time to be able to sit out in the sun and enjoy the nice weather…not that I would necessarily spend my own free time that way, but just knowing that they had that time…arg. I thought "It must be nice to not have to be in class…or at work…or doing homework…" Ack. I’m really getting towards my wits end now with all these ridiculous projects. Thank god there’s only a month left now or I don’t know how I’d possibly survive.

So…yeah…my situation hasn’t changed any, you see. My attitude is souring at a faster rate with each passing day, and I’m getting to the point where I am just hating all aspects of design…to the extent where I’m resenting being expected to be competent, let alone good at it. Fuck. I don’t want to design anything anymore.

The sad and ironic thing about that is, though…whenever I do have free time, all I think about doing is designing things for myself and my friends. My desire is almost always to create beautiful things of my own design. So I hate and resent having to design things, but if I weren’t doing that, I’d be designing other things. WTF???? That doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it? I guess the main difference there is that when I design things on my own, they have a real purpose and use in my life, and I’m doing it because I want to, not because I have to. I have been wondering a lot lately whether I’m cut out to be a designer because in all honesty, it does not come naturally to me unless I have a concept heavily ingrained in my mind before I even begin. Design is hard, especially when it’s something as damned boring as an annual report. Ugh. I’ve got nothing for that project…I just want it to be over.

Ohhhh, I nearly forgot to mention…on Thursday, after 4 weeks, my Design III prof finally talked to me about that assignment I spent that one entire Wednesday afternoon, evening, and on into Thursday morning working on. Sheesh, took long enough. Now I know what changes she expects me to make…but when will I have time to do it now that I’m already on to the next project???

Oh yeah…and Sunday night in the computer lab, one of the guys blew up this tiny picture of a woman from the annual report to about 6 feet tall then handed it off to me. I promptly sliced the image up and tiled it on 25 sheets of 11″x17″ paper and made this gigantic poster of her. It was quite hilarious. I wasted about an hour and a half and 1/4 roll of masking tape on that thing, but I had a fun time so whatever. :-)

Red Bull still hasn’t worn off…and it’s now 3 AM. Mayhaps I shall have something to eat then try and sleep.

I’m Hearing: System of a Down - Nuguns

This album is just spectacular. I was very impressed with Toxicity but this one is right up there with it in terms of catchiness of songs and unbridled energy in the music. Mmmm, I love it.

Got up this morning in a state of confusion. I took 3 naps of varying lengths yesterday so my body must have thought that was also a nap. When I looked at the clock I thought it was 9 PM rather than 9 AM. It took several minutes before I was able to establish my correct position in space-time.

Russ woke me up from one of the naps yesterday so we had supper together and I showed him Donnie Darko (which he seemed to like). He also got a kick out of Trogdor. Then I went over to the computer lab. (ooooh, what a shocker.) Took an hour-long nap on the couch in the vending room. Did nothing for an hour, then had a little bitch-fest with classmates, after which I had even less motivation to do anything productive so I just went home. Messed around on IRC for awhile and burned a bunch of mp3s to CD. Down to my last cake of 100 blank discs, so I’ll have to get some new ones soonish.

Buuuuuurrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnt out. Ugh. So tired of everything. Bored. Uninspired. Need a break. I crave nothingness, just for a little while.

Frank. He’s a bit further along than that now, but I haven’t taken the more recent picture off my camera yet. I like the direction this one is going in, I hope it continues in this way. The colors are so vibrant and the consistency and texture of the paint is so rich and smooth it makes me weak in the knees. So good, so delicious…so…mmmm… I can’t begin to explain why I can only use food analogies when it comes to painting…it’s not like I consume my paint or any of the accessories associated with it (I can only imagine oil paint and paint thinner is not all that tasty)…but… the sheen and texture of a smoothly rendered image on a cotton duck-cloth canvas primed with acrylic gesso…the glow and luster…the creamy consistency of the paint as it’s worked gently onto the surface….oh god. :-) And the smell…the linseed oil…I could sit and smell my hands forever after I’ve gotten done painting…soooooooo good…

There are just subtleties about the consistency and flow of oil paint after one layer has been applied and dried, especially when I’ve used a varnish-based medium for mixing…when I cover it the second time, it’s just so rich and smooth…gleaming, creamy, alive. I don’t care who you are, unless you’ve actually painted before, you will have no idea what this is like for me. Even if you have, chances are pretty good you probably haven’t experienced these romantic feelings for the materials. I don’t blame anyone for finding this a bit disturbing, but I do not see any reason why I should hide my passion for this.

I honestly do not exaggerate any of these things I say about painting, I live and breathe all of it. Daily. Hourly. By the minute, by the second. In fact, sometimes when I’m not painting, I find it strangely comforting to pretend I have a paintbrush in my hand and make motions as if I’m painting, and in that motion I’m able to conjure up images and feelings I associate with the act of painting. It makes me feel really good, really alive, and makes the desire to paint that much stronger. Ahh, painting…so wonderful, so natural, so…mmmmmm. I still maintain that I will end up with my [human] soulmate one day, but for the time being the love of my life is painting. All my love, my passion, my positive energy goes into the work and radiates back out at me. Perpetual movement of warmth back and forth as the feelings begin to intensify to the point where gasps and giggles of joy escape my lips. (For if they didn’t, I would surely explode.)

Okay.

If you didn’t think I was odd before, you must after reading that. And now hopefully you can understand at least part of the reason why having my creativity and inspiration squashed by overload of work is so heartbreaking to me. It’s something akin to having the life sucked out of a romantic relationship by one or both partners spending too much time at work and not enough time together, enjoying each other’s company and love. I know I still love painting and it still loves me, but when we can’t be together, it feels like it doesn’t care about me anymore. Only when I can take a break from the work and spend time with the loves of my life: my paintings/my children, only then do I feel the love in return.

Or seeing my baby hanging on the wall in the student union. I sometimes now go over there just to visit her. She’s out in the world now, for everyone to see and judge, but one day she will be returned to me and I will be comfortable. At least I can visit her when I choose. For that I am very grateful.

God, I’m so tired right now. Mountain Dew no longer has any effect on me. Besides that, it tastes like shit. I’m not going to drink anything stronger than that though…based on what that Red Bull did to me earlier this week, no way in hell.

Watch now, as I move my empty hand through the air as if I were painting.

It looks silly, sure. You want to laugh at me? Go ahead. I’m laughing to myself the whole time too, but not because I look stupid. Because I’m overwhelmed with joy, something so few people these days can find in *anything.*

I’m Hearing: audio commentary for Dark City

Heh, cool. The director of Dark City is Aussie. Didn’t know that, but it’s a pleasant surprise. :-)

Anyhow…spent about 6 hours painting today. I went into the studio this afternoon with no inspiration. Lately because I’ve been so tied down with graphics projects, I haven’t been able to put any energy into painting, and frankly haven’t wanted to. I mean, yes, I’ve wanted to, but I haven’t felt any drive to do it. It was just this other thing that I needed to do. Ugh, how sad. So the first hour was pretty much me aimlessly running the brush along the canvas, not really wanting to be there. Then suddenly a new idea struck me and I grabbed a new canvas and attacked it with renewed energy. (Actually, I was painting over a shit-ass painting from last semester–the first incarnation of my "Femscape" painting, for those who remember that) I was also drinking a Red Bull (for the first time) so that got me a little bit…energetic.

Frank

Yes, it’s from Donnie Darko, for those who’ve seen it, you’ll recognize him as Frank the Rabbit. And for those who haven’t seen it, you must. It’s fantastic. But make sure you can watch it more than once, because you most certainly need to.

So I’ve felt fantastic since then…I sooooo love to paint. I mean, I loooooooooooove to paint…I have to keep reminding myself how great it is…it’s such a natural high for me, and I feel so good, so alive. Ahhh, I think I was born to be a painter. There are so many different things I love to do, but painting is absolutely number one on my list. While I may end up working as a graphic designer for my job, I will always be a painter at heart. And if you for some odd reason expect to ever be able to buy my work, I’d suggest you think again, because I still maintain the attitude that I will not sell my children. Maybe one day I will reconsider this decision…well, it’s not really a decision but more of a state of mind…but it’ll take some serious convincing. :3 hehe.

I’m Hearing: Minority Report

Okay, this is something I noticed awhile ago, and I thought I’d share. After I bought Minority Report on DVD, I looked at the cover of it and thought "This looks remarkably familiar…" Then as I was organizing my discs in alphabetical order (I’m very anal about keeping them this way), I pulled out Mission: Impossible 2 and I realized where I’d seen the image before. See for yourselves. :-) Heehee. The designers who made those covers must not have had much creativity, or else the right side of Mr. Cruise’s face is somehow especially attractive to them. O_O

I’m Hearing: Machine Gun Fellatio - Just B’coz

I got up early this morning, showered, then realized I felt pretty shitty, so I just went back to bed. Slept till about noon, then went into work. All this time that I’ve been working myself into the ground, my body has been screaming at me to let it rest, but in general I’ve just ignored it, but today I let it have what it wanted. The reason: I think I’ve finally reached the point where I’m about ready to let whatever’s gonna happen….happen. Apathy is starting to set in as I become more and more jaded about all this work, and I’m starting to not give a shit that the quality of my work is slipping. I’ve just had enough. <shrug>

Heh, it’s laughable in a way…in fact I’m smiling to myself as I write this. I wonder if there are some kind of psychological stages that have been documented for people who are under great stress, cos I feel like I’ve entered a new…realm…of sorts. I’m in a teriffic mood at the moment, even though I’m fully aware of all the stuff I need to do. I just think it’s hilarious in a pathetic way, and by god…hell, I dunno. :-D haha. If I don’t get my shit done, what can I do? ehhh.

One of my classmates skipped all his classes yesterday, as he chose to boycott the amount of work being assigned. He was in a great mood, and laughing about everything. I wish I had his guts, to skip class on a day where things were due,but I guess that’s not for me. I’m not really a "delinquent"…today was the first day all semester I didn’t go to all my classes. It was just painting, and I was feeling especially uninspired, so I justified my decision by the fact that I wouldn’t have accomplished anything anyway. Ehh.

Only got 45 of my 100 sketches done last night, but I’m sure I can whip out the rest tonight with little trouble, as long as I don’t get distracted. Pffft, I know I’ll be distracted. No use in kidding myself.

<does a little dance> I got this Machine Gun Fellatio CD the other day…my god, it’s catchy. There’s like no real way to describe it…some of it’s disco-sounding, some is ballad-like….it’s kind of all over the place, very eccentric…a bit of They Might Be Giants but not quite that wacky. Ross turned me on to these guys awhile ago…the name of the band alone had me intrigued. (That, and the fact they’re Aussie :-) Heh. Anyhow, I’ve been listening to that quite a bit the last while, as well as the new Linkin Park CD, which is unbelievably addictive. O_O Music has been one of the things that’s kept me sane and functioning the past couple weeks.

Hmm, getting a bit hungry. I’m actually going to go to Computer Science Club tonight, at least for awhile, so I’ll get to have supper with the guys for once. :-) After that I’ll be back in the computer lab…again. If I don’t get my stuff done by midnight, so be it. I’m leaving then whether it’s done or not. I want sleep, dammit. :-D

I’m Hearing: Donnie Darko - Carpathian Ridge

A relatively decent day (so far…) Cannot believe it’s April already. Sheesh. In case you haven’t checked my blahg lately, I did update yesterday with some new photos, so you’ll have to go back into the archive for March to find them.

I actually got a decent amount of annoying stuff out of the way today, things that have been weighing on me and dragging me down for a long time now. The main concern was dropping my painting major and applying for graduation. I haven’t turned in the graduation form yet cos I’m waiting for the change to take effect with the ditching of painting. But at least I have it now. And I’m quite sure (on paper at least) that I’ll be approved for graduation. ‘Course if I don’t pass even one of my classes this semester or next I won’t be able to, but I guess that’s not something I should worry about at this point. All I can really do is get the shit done on time and put a decent amount of effort into it and things should be okay.

I got my Suckspeare book back today with an A on the grade sheet. <phew> I think I may have walked calmly into traffic if I had gotten anything lower than that. It makes the time I spent on that almost worthwhile. Hrm. At least I’ll have less work to do next semester when I have to refine and polish all my old projects for my senior show. Now it’s on to the university’s Annual Report redesign. Blah. That should be…less than exciting. For awhile I considered doing "The Drinking Establishments of the Surrounding Area" as my theme but I doubt my professor would have found that amusing. <shrug> I wish I didn’t have to be bored off my ass with these assignments, but I’m so freaking burnt out that I can’t come up with anything creative anymore. It’s kind of sad and pathetic, but I’ve actually come to accept that right now my work is only going to be mediocre because I simply can’t do any better. What else can I say?

So..yeah. Now off to supper, then over to the art building again to do 100 thumbnail sketches of a fucking logo. Well, not actually a fucking logo…that might be fun and amusing to draw… :-) But rather a logo that I’d rather not have to design, let alone 100 times over. Blah.

Despite all the crap that’s going on, I’m in relatively good spirits right now. Getting a good solid 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night can do wonders, though it would be nice to get 8 or 9. Based on last week though, 6 hours is a rare and unexpected treat, so I’m not going to complain. (anymore…) ;-)

I miss all my friends terribly…just know that I’m thinking of you often. :-)