I’m Hearing: Godsmack – Immune

There’s soooooooo much snow outside. Brian was kind enough to pick me up this morning so I didn’t have to trudge through the snow while walking to work. Whew. There’s a good 2 feet or so in places…it hasn’t snowed like this in forever and a half.

Oy, I’m a bit sleepy today. Last night I had supper with Brian then we watched Goldmember and shortly after he left, I met up with my Aussie pals and talked to them till about 3 AM, slept for 4 hours, then got up and talked to them some more. :3 heehee. I feel like I’m a bit spoiled getting to see them so much but in reality, this is prolly the last time I’ll have this opportunity for a long time because school will be starting up very soon for all of us, which means we’ll hardly ever be online at the same time ;_;

Doing research on travel/migration information for Australia. It’s going to be really fucking expensive to travel over there =_= sheesh. Passport/visa and plane ticket will cost me nearly $4000, which doesn’t include any other expenses like lodging, etc. Jeebus. I sooooo want to go over there for at least awhile…but…my god!!! I won’t be able to afford that for a long time yet. I have a year and a half left of school, must get that out of the way first. THEN I can finally go over. Don’t look at me like that…I know I’m obsessed. It’s okay, move on, nothing to see here. *whistles*

Looking forward to some chicken fried rice for lunch today…a little Chinese New Year food stuffles. Hmm.

I’m so tired, but god, it was worth it. Mmmmm, Aussies. :3

I’m Hearing: KoRn – Clown

This morning I got up at 6 AM so I could shower before work, and I ended up getting to work 1/2 hour earlier than usual. Weird. My hair smells nice from the new shampoo…it’s so odd how I can get so used to one scent that I can’t smell it anymore, then when I change it up a little, it’s very obvious. shrug Hmm.

I got to talk to Ross and Jules quite a bit yesterday which was really really nice. It feels so good to sit down at the computer and have little windows pop up with messages telling you how happy someone is to see you. I never really think about this kind of communication as just a window of text on a screen…to me, each individual window takes on the personality of the person behind it and I can almost hear their words in their own voice, even if I’ve never heard it before. In other words, they’re real to me. In any case, I must say, I just adore my Aussie friends. :3 They’re wonderful!

Oh yeah, the package I sent to Australia seems to have arrived intact. <whew!> Hope the guys enjoy the game and vcds. :-D

I felt kind of vacant yesterday at work…my mind was just drifting and drifting, but I managed to read and absorb more than previously though, since I finally got to a section that explained things I haven’t known for like 4 years already. I love learning things, and it’s really great when things make perfect, logical sense to me. (which seems to happen a little too rarely)

I spent most of last night just kind of laying around. I napped after work of course, then got up and watched a bit of TV. There wasn’t much on after the normal slew of reruns was over so I put on Ten Things I Hate About You. Yeah, I know, it’s a teen movie and everything…but I really like it. It has a great theme (I do really like Shakespeare’s themes even if I find his own use of language pretty incomprehensible) plus I think Julia Stiles is a terriffic actress. Not to mention Heath Ledger’s accent…mmmmmmmmm. Okay, so I really like that accent. *^_^*

The rest of the night I pretty much just lay in the dark listenting to winamp shuffle through a huge eclectic playlist which was really nice, although I’m strangely tired today. I even went to bed about 4 hours earlier than "normal." Arg…so odd…sleep is like against me or something. I need it to a certain extent, but I wish I could get away without it. I have this sort of love/hate relationship with it because I really love dreams, and one cannot dream that way without sleep. (Daydreams are a different story altogether.)

I think I’m going to try to pay my tuition bill today. @_@ I can’t afford it of course, so thank god for credit cards. It’s such a blow to give up all that money, just knowing how much debt I’m racking up. Waaa. This is what I face being poor though.

So yeah…school starts again on Monday. Luckily I only have one class so it shouldn’t be too horrible. (I think the class is painting too, so wheeee!!)

Hmm, taking my car in tomorrow for repairs, so I’ll have to walk to and from work…I really really hope it’s not too cold out or it will really suck, since it’s about 2.5 miles(ish). That isn’t bad at all when it’s nice out, but when that negative degree wind is whipping you in the face, it’s painful even walking a couple hundred feet to the car…GAH, winter SUCKS so much. I have to get away from this. Yet another reason I should move to Australia. :3

Oh yeah, and this is just about the funniest thing I’ve seen in a looooong time: LotR: TTT Engrish subtitles. When you look at them, make sure you’re somewhere where it’s okay to laugh out loud, because you will, I guarantee it. If you’ve read any other journals the last few days, you’ve probably already seen it (I’m a little slow on the draw, I know) so if nothing else, this will serve as a bookmark for myself so I don’t have to remember the URL when I want to show it to peeps I know in real life. :-D

I’m Hearing: Pantera – Message in Blood

Yesterday was tiring. When I got back from my first job, I found that some asshat had shoved a potato up my car’s tailpipe and I had driven to and from work with it blocked…that could have been a very bad thing. Gah, those fuckers should get a life and do something that doesn’t endanger the health of other people.

Started my second job yesterday. Afterwards I was so exhausted I slept for 3 hours. I watched various movies while (finally) taking care of some bills and miscellaneous paperwork. Spent most of the rest of the night crocheting, and finally had to force myself to go to bed.

This may seem like a really minor detail to most people, but I switched types of shampoos this weekend. For the last 4 years or so, I’ve been using the "moisturizing for dry, damaged, or color treated hair" type of Herbal Essences (the pink kind) and it’s been really good, but my hair gets so greasy by the end of the day. So I decided to try the type for "normal" hair (the yellow stuff) and although it’s only been a few days, I’ve noticed that my hair no longer gets nearly as yucky by the end of the day, which is a great thing. I guess I’ve been overdoing it with the dry and damaged stuff since my hair is neither dry nor damaged…but oh well. :\

Oh, like I mentioned yesterday I actually went through with it and changed my second major to painting. <whew> Well, in the end, I don’t have to stick with it if it doesn’t work out, but…hmm. I’ve known for a long time I didn’t want to continue on with photography as a major, so I suppose holding onto painting as a major even if I don’t finish it isn’t a terrible thing. In the end, I did feel good when I left the advising office yesterday, so I guess that could be seen as a good sign. The fact that I’ve officially changed the major doesn’t change the fact that I’m still as uncertain as ever about it.

But yesterday when I updated my webpage with some of the work I’ve done the past semester, I looked at my bright and colorful paintings laid out in front of me and a wave of happiness/excitement/pride washed over me. I really really do love painting…there isn’t anything I can think of that I love more, really. When I paint, I paint for myself, to get out ideas I have in my head. I don’t paint for other people. I guess part of my trepidation comes from the stigma that a painter must paint for the goal of selling work. I don’t know, maybe in time my attitude will change, but right now I don’t want to sell my stuff. It makes me nervous and sick to my stomach to think that someone else will be in possession of something that is so much a part of me. I get confused sometimes when I think about artists who do sell their paintings. I don’t understand how they can let their "children" go just like that…they would almost have to cut themselves off, detach themselves from the work, in order to part with them! I can only speak from my own experience here, but especially with my larger works (which most are) I have put so much of my time and effort and soul into it, that the thought of selling it just makes me feel ill. Things I take less time to finish I am much less attached to, so maybe these people who sell a lot of stuff don’t spend a whole lot of time on their–I dunno…I really don’t. I’m just rambling now, about something I’ve rambled about before. This is a subject that continues to haunt and bother me, and I don’t see this changing anytime soon should I continue to work the way I do, and I really think I will continue in this manner unless I finally reach the burnout point.

On a related note…after I finished Avatar, I decided I had to take some time off from painting (and creative projects in general) just so I could recouperate. I quickly discovered that I was going insane without something to do. The "resting" idea lasted about…4 days. Then I was back to crocheting again, and not only that, but I was already taking on other "orders" for personalized blankets. My list has grown to like 8 people already, and considering it takes me about 3 months to finish one blanket (since I’m doing a million other things at the same time), I don’t know what I’m thinking…there’s no way any of these peeps will get their blanket any time soon. Gah, I just have a need to pile on the projects and make things for people. I get a charge out of making people happy by doing things like this for them…I never ever consider cost or time when I jump into things like this, I just do them for the sake of doing them. :-) Whether that’s good or bad, I dunno…maybe a bit of both.

Hmm, very excited for Devil May Cry 2. I have it preordered online, but it’ll be next week before it actually gets here I’m sure, and by then I won’t have any time to play it. Sigh. Oh well, I’ll make time somehow…(and you can problably guess it’ll be by not sleeping…) Gah, I’m so predictable sometimes.

I’m thinking about making a progress page for my Avatar painting since it was the first major project I’ve ever done that I’ve documented through photographs the entire way through. I think it would be cool to see how it grew and changed through comparison…does this sound like a good idea, or just another indulgence? Should I just give it a rest? I’m not sure. I just know I have 40+ photos of that thing sitting in a directory…

Hmm. Going home for supper tonight, so that should be good. Better than the air I’ve been eating lately.

Heh, and this morning my car started up pretty easily…I think it was actually above 0° F this morning, which is a nice change…w00t! According to weather.com, it’s 23° F out!! Woooo, tropical. Waaaa, give me my ticket to Australia *now*.

Hmm, the art show goes up a week from tomorrow!!! Yay! I’m very excited.

I’m Hearing: background audio from “The Twilight Zone”

Followed a link from Gen’s journal…

What Kanji word best suits you?

Heehee…what a shocker, eh?

And on a related note, I officially changed my second major to painting today.

I’m Hearing: KoRn – Shoots and Ladders

=_= Whoa, I’m tired.

Well, this weekend got off to a horrible start but ended quite well. After feeling like shit to begin with (physically ill, yet), Friday night while we were roleplaying, my internet connection just…disappeared. I got really frustrated and upset and then the guys left, so there I was without an internet connection or any company. I forgot what I ended up doing, but ultimately I just went to bed in frustration.

The rest of the weekend was much much better. I started feeling a bit better by Saturday afternoon so that was one great thing, but my internet connection didn’t come back until Sunday night, so that was irritating, (but at least it did come back.) Stoooooopid stoopid worm!!! :-( At any rate, the high point of the weekend was meeting Will (jetfuel) and Hiroko. On Saturday we met up with him at Best Buy then ate at Olive Garden. It was really great talking to him in person after all this time of only knowing him as an online entity. The conversation was really friendly and comfortable, and it was like I’d known him forever. We didn’t get to hang out much that night but Sunday Jon drove us up to the place where Will is staying (another "Jon’s" apartment) and we hung out with Will and Hiroko all afternoon and evening, then had supper with them. Much video game playing ensued and fun was had by all. (Rez is a very fun game, but very very trippy!)

Hanging out with Will & Hiroko

I was kind of afraid that it was going to be a weird or uncomfortable situation….y’know, meeting someone you know online for the first time? I’ve never done that before. ^_^; I guess the fact that Jon knows Will so well helped, but it wasn’t weird at all!!! There was a brief moment of unreality when he came walking towards me when I was like "Holy shit, this is real!" but that quickly passed and it was like hanging out with an old friend. I dunno, maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should be, but it was really momentous for me! The other Jon had to go to work so we didn’t get to talk to him much, but it was really cool talking to Hiroko. She was much friendlier and easier to communicate with than I expected, but of course I didn’t know much about her either. :-D

Oh yeah, and Will gave me the coolest gift on earth. After he posted this awhile back when he was still in Japan, I was going on and on about how hilarious I thought it was. And guess what….he brought the actual thing back for me! :-D hehehehe!!!!! It was very unexpected but highly appreciated! :-D :D (Still no USB working on my comp, so I can’t scan the actual item sadly…the only reason I’ve been able to get the pics uploaded is because I can pull them onto the mac then send them across the network to my PC…oy, so convoluted, but at least it works.)

Arg…Jules! Hope you can fix up that computer problem soon!! What the hell happened??? O_O

Oh, that reminds me…after I got my connection back, I did some research on the display problem my Mac has, and found that it is actually a pretty common problem among iMacs of that type after installing OS10.2….apparently it’s a firmware issue. So hopefully Jon will be able to help me with that sometime this week. Then maybe, just maybe I’ll start using that a bit more if we can get it working, since I’ll be using macs in my classes and my new job. I’m not going to be able to escape them in my everyday life at all. It’s not like macs are that bad really…I have just found that there are things missing on macs (or that are terribly hard to locate) that are simple and easily available on PCs. The first computer I ever touched was a mac, and pretty much all the way through elementary school until about halfway through middle school I had no idea there was anything other than a mac for a computer…after all, that’s what all the schools used. I can remember wanting a computer so bad when I was younger that I made a computer lab out of cardboard boxes and took my stuffed animals into it so we could play "Number Munchers." But once I touched my first PC, I was totally entranced by it and the glory of Windows 3.1. I know lots of people put a lot of effort into criticizing Windows and Microsoft and whatnot, but I must admit I find that to be quite useful, and aside from the occasional annoyance, I’ve really had very little trouble since I’ve been using Win2k. I’ve never had to reinstall it (maybe I *should*…) unlike with 98 where I was reinstalling every 6 months or less.

I’m Hearing: Deftones – Change (In the House of Flies)

I went home early yesterday and took a giant nap, like 5 hours or so. I would have slept longer, except I was meeting my painting prof over at the art building so we could take my painting down to the gallery (which we did.) Parts of it were still wet, so I found myself washing my hands quite a bit (first in paint thinner, to get the varnish off, then in water and soap to get the paint thinner off ^_^;;;;;) Not too healthy there. Also, this morning I noticed I have two small sore spots on my right thumb and forefinger at just about the point where the two would meet if I was holding an object between the two digits. Hmmm…could that possibly be from holding a paintbrush in the same damned way every day for three months? Nah. (There’s also a bit of indentation and slight discoloration in the shape/angle of a brush handle…now that is just weird.)

So I suppose you might be interested in seeing what my finished painting looks like, eh? I know people are really freaking tired of hearing me go on and on about this thing, but hey, it WAS my life for 3 months. So anyhow, without further ado….

Avatar
Avatar (much much larger version)

Oi. I’m just aching all over right now. Tired, tired.

Looks like Fet’s back in Wisconsin again, which means I might get to hang out with him sometime soon. That would totally rock.

Man, there is just so much going on right now I’m already starting to lost track of things. I’ve finally gotten that painting out of the way, and now I have one–count it–ONE week to "relax and revitalize" over "break." hahaha, that is soooo….NOT funny. I would really love to have another month where I really could have a break from excessive amounts of work, like the "normal" people had over Christmas while I was either painting or thinking about painting. But, no. I will be working two jobs starting Monday, plus all the other stuff that’s going on…and then the following week school starts up again. =_=;; I’m just…sooooo exhausted, and nearing the point of burnout. I don’t know how I’m going to make it through my painting classes this semester…I mean, I do have some good ideas, but am I going to have the energy to execute them? I don’t know. I’d really like to get back into Tae Bo again, since I haven’t had the energy for that the last 3 months (imagine that…gee….working an 8 hour shift, then painting for 6-8 hours after that…it’s no wonder…) and it would be sweet to try to get into playing DDR (however I neither have the game nor the dance mat, so I’d have to make an investment, but I really have no money on tap since I’m not even going to have half of the money I need to pay tuition.)

And before I forget…just look at the picture of this dog. It makes me laugh every single time I see it! heeeeee.

I’m Hearing: annoying ladies cackling

I’m feeling really really sick today, and it’s my own damned fault. The abuse I put my body through for the last three months while working on that painting has finally caught up with me and just felt the need to kick me in the ass…REALLY HARD. Oi. It was really tough getting up this morning, and my car almost didn’t start (it’s fricken -6° F out today)…I think I’m going to fall over or something.

Well…I did it. I finally finished the painting. :o I worked on it for about 8 hours on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning until I could finally say I was satisfied with it. The pieces are separated and lying flat, spread out across the studio, so I don’t have any pictures of the finished piece yet. Perhaps I’ll get some tonight if the edges are dry enough to stand it up somewhere.

I’ll be starting my second job on Monday, so that should be interesting. I think I’m going to really like it there…it seems like the sort of environment I’d want to work in once I get a real job after I finally graduate…

I’ve been talking to Jules and Phil about a new illustration project that’s come about recently. I’ve started messing around with some web stuff, trying to get a feel for what the site is going to look like, and so far it’s been really promising…I think we have a good start. I want to keep working on it but I feel so yucky I can’t concentrate. :-( Ack, enough whining….no one wants to hear that anyhow.

I’m Hearing: Korn – Freak on a Leash

Sigh. Well.

I’m nearly finished with my painting. I’m sure everyone is really tired of hearing about it/seeing it, so I’m not going to bother blathering on about that.

It’s been such a huge part of my existence the last 3.5 months that I don’t know quite what to do with myself now that it’s nearly finished. Last night I came home at 6 PM and just kind of sat there awhile staring into space. I felt like watching something, and after starting blankly at my DVD shelf for about 10 minutes, I came to the conclusion that the only thing I wanted to watch was the new episode of The Dead Zone, but that didn’t come on till 9 PM. I ended up flipping through the channels most of the night, never being interested enough in anything to watch more than 5 minutes of anything. I think I ended up watching some VH1 special about the Arsenio Hall show… :\ I crocheted a little bit in the meantime, and when The Dead Zone came on, it was well worth the wait because it was one of the best episodes of all. It was very well done and cleverly filmed.

So what was the rest of my weekend like? Ummm…well, I had a job interview on Friday. I ended up getting the job, and I’ll be starting next Monday. >_< huuu, I’m going to be sooooo busy this semester, I’m not sure how I’ll handle it. Brian was in a pretty blah mood that night so we just watched movies all night. I finally got to show him and Jon the first 2 eps of The Dead Zone, which they seemed to like pretty well, and after that we watched the subbed version of Spirited Away, which I rather enjoyed. I’ll have to watch it again to catch the things I missed, but it was very good. And finally, I showed Brian My Neighbor Totoro since he’d never seen the whole thing.

Saturday I got up late as usual and got a sandwich and bagels, then ran home for awhile. And of course, I spent the night alone in the studio…painting. That night I dreamt I was dating Dave Grohl from the Foo Fighters. =_= This is becoming a nightly thing…is my subconscious trying to tell me something…like I’m lonely?? argh.

Sunday…got up reasonably early (around 1:30 PM) and went right over to the painting studio where I messed around with my painting and talked to Mike (another painter) till 6ish. Then came the blah-ness of the evening.

I’m so tired…in body, mind, and spirit. I feel like resting, but when I finally get a chance to rest I feel guilty almost for just laying there, like I should be doing something. I’ve grown so accustomed to always having to do things (and I know I still have a million things left to do) that when I’m not "using my time wisely," I feel like a useless waste of human flesh.

Gah, I really don’t feel like going on about…stuff…right now. I feel like my life energy is being leeched out of my body slowly but constantly. It’s not a comforting feeling. But I’m still alive and doing fairly well for myself, so that’s the upside to it. Despite how low I feel at the moment, I feel as if it’s deserved in a way after the hell I’ve put myself through with this project. And it’s all worth it because in less than a month, I’ll have a piece of artwork (that I put more of myself into than anything ever before) up in a gallery in an honors exhibition. The fact that I had to work extremely hard to first gain my professor’s respect, to the point where he chose the painting for the show before it was even half-finished, to the unbelievable personal struggles I endured to see this painting to its conclusion…everything as a whole…it’s worth every bit of sadness and angst.

I have a strong urge to leave all of my things behind and buy a one-way ticket to Australia. Will that happen? Of course not…not now at any rate. I have neither the money nor the courage to do something that rash… After graduation? More likely. <snorts> I can make webpages and paint anywhere. Why not do so in a beautiful, warm environment surrounded by lush green flora and charming guys with Aussie accents? waaa, one day…(we all need dreams, don’t we?)

I’m Hearing: Diffuser – Karma

All I can say this morning is WTF??? Yesterday I was really tired (leftover from the other night when I was strangely exhausted) so after work I took a huge nap….prolly about 4 hours long actually… @_@; During this nap I had possibly the most unusual dream yet, and I have yet to understand why it came about. You’ll see what I mean in just a moment.

Anyhow, I can’t remember some of the details now, but here’s the gist. Someone I knew well said she had a friend she wanted me to go out with. She said he was a really nice guy and I’d have a great time with him. So I said, "Okay, why not." Well….then I met the guy. It turned out that his job was playing Ronald McDonald O_O; When I met him he was wearing normal clothes and had no makeup on, and seemed pretty normal. He was about 35 years old, with light brown curly hair, probably about 5’9 or 6’0 tall. When I met him, we went to Shakey’s (an old kids’ pizza buffet place that doesn’t exist anymore) and I was really glad he was dressed in normal clothes. I said to him "You’re not wearing the shoes." (meaning the clown shoes) He looked down and said, "Nope, I’m not Ronald right now, just normal me." But then he proceeded to tell me about how the children react to him when he’s wearing the makeup and costume. He told me about one boy who hated him so much that he would beat up on him because he was scared. Most of the other kids seemed to like him, but I thought it was really creepy. What was even more creepy is that even when he wasn’t wearing clown shoes, he still walked the same way (his balance and gait were as if he had huge canoes on his feet.) I don’t like clowns to begin with, and even though Ronald McDonald is not a particularly scary clown to me, I still don’t like him at all, so fricken dating RONALD MCDONALD was really weird and troubling to me. I don’t know what happened after that date, as I woke up.

I was working on my portfolio last night and had to make a Target run at about 9:45 PM to get printer cartridges. I haven’t mentioned yet how COLD it has been the last week or so…omigod. It was about 2° F the other day (wind chill -11°)…jeebus. Not fun at all.

Got to talk to Jules quite a bit this morning, which was great. I feel us getting closer every time we talk, and I feel really honored to have someone as special as him as a friend. People like him are so rare in this world, and it’s a damned shame about that. But it makes finding these gems even more special because they are worth so much more due to their rarity. :3

Getting hungry now…it’s close to lunchtime. I forgot to pack a lunch today though, so I’ll be going home for that in just a bit.

I’m Hearing: Mudvayne – Death Blooms

I was soooooooo tired last night, and I’m not exactly sure why. I mean, yeah, it’s because that painting is sapping all my energy, but maaaannnn…I was dozing through pretty much everything last night =_= I went to bed early (11:30ish) but was still sleepy when I got up this morning.

Somehow my left foot managed to bust its way through the side of my slipper last night…I have no clue how, but…I guess it’s really not worth trying to repair…I already wore through the bottoms of them and covered those with duct tape so I could get at least a little more life out of them. But now that the side is busted, there isn’t a whole lot I can do aside from sewing them….and that’s ridiculous because I only paid like $3 for them. O_O I should just get new ones. I also need a winter hat.

And I need new paintbrushes. I’ve managed to wear almost every brush I own down to a stubby little nubbin, and that’s not too helpful when I have large (or even small!) areas to paint. Sigh. Not like I have any money though. <goes to pay credit card bill>

Okay, I have some money left….uh….but not much. ^^;

Hmm. I got to talk to Jules a decent amount the last couple days, which is nice. We have such deep and interesting discussions sometimes…it really feels good to be able to talk to someone like him. :-)

I made Ross a wallpaper which he seemed to like, so it was worth it!! :-D

Tiredtiredtired.

Hmm, leftover chicken fried rice for lunch today…and it’s about that time, so I’m gonna chow.