I’m Hearing: The Nightmare Before Christmas - This is Halloween
I’m not really sure if I should write right now in the mood I’m in, but I hope I’ll feel more at ease later. Anyhow, it’s a little after 3 AM as I sit here, and most people are in bed asleep. There’s no one active online right now, so I have no one to talk to at the moment…I guess this is second best.
As mentioned yesterday, I wanted to paint more than anything. So I did. I spent about 6 hours on it tonight (err, last night), and while the changes are fairly minor, I still think I got a reasonable amount accomplished. It’s starting to tighten up now, which means I’m getting closer to completion. My version of "finished" is quite different than most people’s though…so…
Hrm.
I’m not really feeling sad right now, just…lonely. Aside from the insanely vivid dream I had last night, the last 3 or 4 nights I’ve been dreaming about being in a romantic relationship with different people. Since my passion cannot be shared with a real living person, it is being played out in my head, and when I awaken I feel like something huge is missing in my life, and I think about how much I just want someone to cuddle with and adore. My one fear right now is with my work, because I’m putting all my passion into my painting. If someone had my heart right now, I’m afraid I wouldn’t have much energy left to put into my work, and perhaps the painting would suffer greatly, and I might not be able to get it done in time. :\ I guess the upside to not having a significant other is that I’m able to create some pretty ground-breaking artwork.
But…
For shits and giggles, I looked at yahoo personals tonight. I had no intention of contacting anyone…it was just curiosity, you know…just to see the kinds of people that are out there right now in the same position as me. There was a feature on there called something like "find your perfect match"…I typed in my preferences, and guess what…no matches whatsoever. :\ Guess that’s not too much different than real life in that respect.
Sigh.
Gah. I don’t feel sad or depressed or even pathetic…I actually feel really good about myself right now. I’m in good spirits most of the time and am not under nearly as much stress as I have been recently, so I’m much more relaxed. I have time to do the things I want to do without too much distraction. Everything in my life is good right now, except I’m lonely! I feel close to my friends, but I also feel really isolated from people…and really cut off emotionally. I just want to feel!
Oh yeah, here’s the pics from our DDR session on Saturday night. Heh.
