I’m Hearing: Avril Lavigne - I’m With You

Hmm…I’m very troubled by a dream I had last night. From an outsider’s perspective, the dream in and of itself could be considered romantic or adorable, but given the background I have with this person and situation, it has made me very uncomfortable.

You see, in elementary school, I had a classmate named Jeff who was the classic geek. He was tall and thin (lanky, if you will) with really big thick glasses, he couldn’t play sports, and he was just a bumbling type of guy. He was also pretty shy, but when he did talk, he said odd things. I remember him doing an entire assignment in 1st grade in a rainbow striped crayon. He checked out the book "Little Women" from the school library that same year. Kooky, yes. But that was his style. Of course, people picked on him mercilessly because he was different–he was a nerd. People could be really mean. And, I admit, being young and impressionable, I picked on him too because I was desperately trying to fit in. I always felt terrible about it, because when I wasn’t around other people, he was actually very nice and I got along with him quite well. The teasing got to a point where he actually went to a different school because he couldn’t handle it anymore. I only saw him once after that, during 6th grade. I was sitting in the backseat of my parents’ car in a grocery store parking lot, and he was in his parents’ car, a few spaces down. He grinned at me for awhile, then got out of the car, went to the trunk, got something, then went back into the car. Suddenly he flashes me this cardboard sign with the words "Send Help!" scrawled across it in black marker. I rolled my eyes and he laughed. Then my parents came back from the store and we drove away. Never saw him again after that.

So anyhow, in my dream last night, some of my friends from high school were telling me that he had a major thing for me. Apparently he had been keeping up with things in my life for years and had loved me all along because I was the only one who was even remotely nice to him in school. I went through the initial embarrassment of "omigod, it’s that *geek*!" (the reaction I would have had in elementary school around the other kids) but after I got past that, I was a little flattered. One girl, who actually lived close to him in childhood, said, "You should go out with him…you’re perfect for each other!" Somehow I found his online journal, and apparently he’d been reading my blahg and following my life very closely because he had passages from my blahg copied into his own journal with his comments underneath them. O_O Again, that was flattering, but I felt really icky about it. I was cruel to this guy when he was a child…why would he be interested in me?

Well, there was an art opening on a boat of some kind. I had a piece in the gallery, so it was a huge deal for me, and I invited a lot of my friends, and even some people from high school who I didn’t invite showed up to support me. I was all dressed up in formal wear, and most everyone else was too…it was a huge event. Someone pointed out that Jeff had shown up and I should go talk to him. The person pointed across the room to where he stood. He was wearing a tux, and his jacket was open enough for me to see he had the word "OVALTINE" embroidered on his chest in black on a slight arc. He was looking at me with admiration and I pretended not to notice, but looked up a few times and glanced his way.

Eventually I left the main room and went into another section of the boat that was a bookstore. I grabbed a magazine that was in plastic wrap (something about digital music creation) and went around the corner to the next row of shelves and he was standing there. He started talking to me, and I cannot recall what he was saying, but I don’t think it matters anyhow. What does matter is that he was very self-confident and seemed really happy. Somehow I knew he was really rich too, but he was really humble about it. He had grown quite attractive over the years and I looked at him wide-eyed as he started singing to me. His voice was sweet and gentle, but very rich. I lost my breath, and stumbled back into the front of the store where I paid for my magazine and quickly left.

Something happened to the boat (I think it collided with something) and it split in half. There was a lot of panic, but eventually somehow they got the boat back into one piece temporarily so everyone could get out. When I got out to my car, someone was there waiting for me in the driver’s seat. I don’t recall who it was, but it was someone I knew well. She told me that Jeff was going to give me a note that evening. I asked her if the note said what I thought it did, and she said yes. I breathed out and slumped back against the passenger seat. I felt really really bad that he was interested in me because of the way I treated him when we were younger, but I felt even worse because I only did it so people would think I was cool–I never meant it. And now that I myself have become similar to what he was when he was younger (a strange, kooky geek-friendly individual) I felt that maybe we could be compatible, but I’d never be able to forgive myself for picking on him. It was a horrible dilemma because he had developed into just the type of guy I go crazy for and he seemed crazy about me. I only wanted to cry.

I woke up feeling confused and upset…I have no idea what happened to this guy after he was 10 years old, since that was the last time I ever saw him. I don’t know if he is still the bumbling geek he was then, or if he had really become someone comfortable with himself. I just felt *bad*. I’m sure this dream was trying to communicate something important to me, but I’m still a bit hazy as I woke up not more than 45 minutes ago. I’m sure something will come to me within the next few days, but if anyone else has an idea, please let me know.

Sigh. Anyhow…on to real life events. :-D

Hmm…the guys and I had planned on seeing The Two Towers on Friday night, but due to a lack of planning, we ended up not getting advance tickets so the show was sold out. Jonathan, Dave, and I went shopping for most of the night instead and ate at Red Lobster for supper. When we got back to my place, Brian came over and we had a mini Christmas (gift exchange.) The guys seemed pretty happy with the gifts I got them, so I felt really good about that. I gave Jonathan a pair of welding goggles so he could be like his RnT character and he seemed particularly pleased with them, so that made me feel good because those were the hardest to track down. :\ We also watched the new-to-DVD Back to the Future which I had bought that night. I don’t remember the movies being so *clever*!! There are a LOT of subtleties that I’ve missed until now, probably because I saw that movie when I was young. I love the movies all the much more now.

And because we didn’t get to see LOTR Friday night, we played it safe and ordered tickets online for Saturday. So yesterday I went shopping all afternoon and hit up the clearance racks at Target. I went home for awhile, then came back and watched some Dead Zone episodes until the guys came to get me. Saw the movie…it was pretty loooooooong…it was okay, but I liked FOTR better. Ah well. After that, Dave left to go drinking or something, so Jonathan whipped out his newly purchased DDR pad and we messed around with that for quite awhile. It was amazingly fun…and addicting. I can see how peeps might get to the point where they want to do that all the time… After awhile we were all hungry so we made a Perkins run, and when we came back we were predictably tired, plus I had a headache, so we dispersed for the evening…err…early morning….(it was about 3 AM…)

I had hoped to do a considerable amount of painting this weekend, but oh well. I still have tons of time left yet, and the rest has been helpful. I suppose I should get a little something to eat then shower and head over to the art building. :-D

And seriously, if anyone has an idea about that dream, please say something because I’m still feeling really weird about it. Thanks.