That’s a lyric from “Fade” by Staind, in case you don’t know. It kind of sums up how I’ve been feeling lately about things…kind of…but not totally. I don’t know. I have been feeling like talking things out…but there never seems to be anyone around, either in real life, or online, when this hits me. Sigh Such is life.

Anyhow, Tuesdays are the one night of the week that I get to do whatever I want. After classes today I did Tae Bo for the first time in about two weeks, and it felt good, even though I am a bit sore right now. I wanted to go see Red Dragon tonight but I promised a friend I would go with him and he was busy with homework so I had to create a new plan. I considered going over to the art building and painting, but that idea was quickly scrapped in favor of updating some of my other webpages, which have been sadly neglected over the last month.

At one point tonight, Hachi came over and got rid of the funny colors on my tv that came from having my speakers too close to it. It was a very quick visit…he did his task and left. So I basically have been here alone all night, which isn’t all bad, but I’m still missing human contact with people I enjoy spending time with. sigh I’m hoping this issue I’ve been having with loneliness resolves itself soon because I’m beginning to feel a little like I did all through high school, which is something I definitely do not want to relive.

I guess, though, I’m so used to having people around me all the time that it feels…empty…when I really am alone. Since I’m busy almost every night of the week, I don’t notice it most of the time…there are almost always lots of people wherever I am…always someone to talk to. But then when I am alone…it’s like something is missing, and I kind of freeze up and sit there staring blankly, unsure of what to do. After awhile, I snap out of it and finally do something, but I usually wish there was someone there with me, if only to just watch a movie with. There’s a certain comfort with having another person in the room, even if you aren’t actually interacting much. I wasn’t always this way–back before I or any of my friends could drive, I was used to sitting at home at night doing things by myself or with my family and most of the time I was just fine with that. Back then, the situation was so that there was no possibility of getting together with friends, so my mindset was different, and I didn’t expect that anyone would just “pop by”…so I didn’t plan my evenings around that. Maybe I should stop doing that now…then I wouldn’t feel like something was wrong or missing.

So anyhow…one of my papers that was supposed to be due got pushed back to Nov. 5 so now I have a little more time to work on that, thankfully. I thought for sure I’d have to spend all night tonight cramming to get that sucker done. But now I have some breathing room.

I just had a really strong chocolate craving, which I satisfied with some plain M&Ms because they were the closest chocolate product to where I am sitting. They were okay. But that’s fine because they were free with the Rocky Rococo pizza I ordered on Saturday.

It seems that some people are hesitant to write a journal because they feel their lives are boring and they’d have nothing to write about. Well, that’s a bunch of poop. Everyone may not have the most exciting life…I mean…*I* don’t…but everyone thinks about things. There is always something to write about. So dammit, Meta, write a journal. :-P No more of your weak excuses.

Ohhh, and the new Foo Fighters CD came out today….dammit…I totally forgot. Not like I can afford it anyhow =_=