It was a pretty decent day thus far. I actually slept up in my loft for the second night in a row. Although it is really hard to get into and out of, I have discovered that it is a very effective way to prevent me from hitting the snooze button one too many times. If I have to physically get up to turn off the alarm, I am far more likely to stay awake than if I simply reach up and smack the alarm and slip back into unconsciousness. So my dad can be happy now as all the time and effort he put into making the loft is not going to waste.

As much as I don’t care for my painting professor, I do really enjoy the class and the people. I feel like I belong there amongst those people…it’s a comforting and inviting feeling. When I enter the room, people call out “Fox!” and I feel that there’s a general commaraderie between the lot of us, especially between me and some of the more experienced painters whom I have had class with before. The class I’m in is mixed, meaning that anyone who has already taken Painting I is in the class, so it’s a general “Advanced Painting” class. That’s kind of cool in a way, because you’re with some of the same people but there are always newbies in the group. We all seem to have a similar attitude towards the professor, although my angst is a little deeper-seated as I’m the only one who has pissed him off by mentioning an artist. Sigh. Oh well. He only comes by once during the class period to talk to us about our work, so in general he kind of leaves us alone. I think I can deal with that.

Our latest assignment in my advanced composition class was to watch and analyze The Silence of the Lambs. Wow, what a great assignment. That’s been one of my faves since I was like 11 years old…I must have seen it about 50 times by now…so in a way, it’s kind of difficult to discuss it beyond what I’ve already done so far, because I know all the dialogue by heart and kind of get trapped thinking about that rather than the overall meaning. I guess that’s good for me, though…at least it will be a fun challenge. The teacher is pretty cool in general, so naturally she gives us interesting assignments. She has some very strong feminist tendencies, so I think she and my mother would get along great. (Translated: I certainly do not agree with all she says!)

That whole class is based around issues of gender, race, and sex, so there are many controversial things that we discuss. I’m just fine with that…I mean, it’s very interesting, and gets a lot of people involved in discussion, but…still… Like I mentioned, there are some heavy feminist undertones to everything that I don’t particularly care for. It might seem kind of backward to people that someone like me would feel that way, but the simple fact is that I am not a feminist. I guess in a way, I could be considered that, but certainly not in an overt or intentional way. I am a female who happens to have interests typically reserved for males, resulting in situations where I am either the only female present, or at least one of very few. I am happy with that, in fact, I am very comfortable in that. Almost everyone I associate with accepts me as “one of the guys” for lack of a better phrase. I don’t use the fact that I’m female to push issues or get people to side with me or sympathize with me…I think that’s a stupid and weak tactic, and I really don’t feel good about doing those types of things. I’m not a fan of head games or manipulation of any sort.

I think in general, though, the guys do treat me a little different because I am female…they are nicer or more attentive to me than the other males, but that could just be they are happy that they have something in common with a female and find it interesting that they can talk to a female about their interests and hobbies, whereas most of them probably don’t meet too many girls who will actually understand or care about what they have to say. In a way, I have a large advantage in those situations that I could use to manipulate people, but I can’t fathom doing that. Being that I’m heterosexual too, this is also an advantage for me in terms of ratios, meaning I can have my pick from any number of guys, but that’s also a little too weak for me. I’d rather just feel like part of the group than be thought of as “the girl” or “the flirt” or any of those types of things. That alone probably makes me unusual, but one must also keep in mind that I am very introverted. Maybe if I were more of an extrovert, I would exhibit more of the “flirty” type of behavior…..but maybe not. Regardless…that isn’t who I am. I prefer to be more subtle about things than overt, although those of you who know me well will agree that I certainly have had some very “ballsy” moments.